As I watered the beds, my thoughts swirled in brackish eddies like the water running through the dirt at my feet. Time. I needed time to sort through it all, to take stock and reconvene when I would be objective—a trait which I generally embraced. But not when it came to my heart. Not when it came to Lila.

With her, all bets were off.

29

All Hail the Dumbassador

KASH

Dusk had fallen, painting the greenhouse in golden pinks and blues as the winter sun inched toward the horizon. It was still, quiet, the shop far away from my solitude. Dad had gone up hours ago, leaving me to withdraw in peace. As peaceful as my mind was at least, which was not very.

My hands stayed busy. Stupidly, I’d thought going to my greenhouse on the roof would cheer me, but instead I found traces of her. I found them everywhere I looked—in the potted plants she’d admired, the lilies that were on the verge of opening up to show me if I’d successfully bred them. Even in the main greenhouse, even old Brutus. The black-eyed Susans where she’d fallen what felt like a lifetime ago. The table where I’d shown her how to plant ivy.

She was everywhere, in the air, under my skin, living in my heart. But every thought was tainted with a fear, the see-saw once again in motion. And this time, I didn’t have a truth to hold on to beyond that I loved her, I feared her, and I desperately needed to talk to her.

In my most relieving imaginings, she explained everything away with words I couldn’t deny. In the most terrifying, she told me all my fears were warranted. In all of them, I had a resolution. But only a few ended happily.

I was lost in that thought when the door to the greenhouse opened hard enough to slap the wall. When I looked up, I didn’t know who I expected to find. But it wasn’t Ivy Parker with hell on her heels and an infant strapped to her chest.

She flew toward me with her face screwed up in fury. “Hey, stupid.”

One of my brows rose. I glanced behind me in an attempt at a joke.

It didn’t land.

“You dumb, stupid son of a bitch,” she said, trucking to me. “I cannot believe you. I’d expect this from Luke or Marcus, but I never thought you’d be so goddamn brainless.”

At that, I frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“See? That. Cretin. What do you think I’m talking about?”

“Lila,” I chanced.