A thundering heartbeat marked the time for him to draw a breath. “Lila, I’d give you anything you asked. I think you know that.”

Tears pricked the corners of my eyes. “Even this? Even your heart?”

At that, he bestowed the full extent of his smile on me. “Especially that. All I ever wanted was you, any way I could get you. I wasn’t foolish enough to imagine you’d ever want anything more from me.”

“But why?” I asked, confused.

“Because …” He paused, eyes flicking beyond us to the crowd. “Because I’m not like you. I’m not like them.” He nodded to the dance floor. “I’m just a filthy, uneducated gardener who lives with his parents.”

“You think that’s all I care about?” I breathed, the echo of Natasha’s words in my ears.

“No, I know it’s not. But you date guys like Brock. He represents a life I can’t give you, a person I can never be.”

“But Kash, that’s exactly why I want you. Because you are nothing like them.”

For a moment, he watched me, something uncertain behind his eyes as he searched mine. “What do you want, Lila? What do you want us to be?”

The question jolted me, simple and straightforward as it was, and it gave me pause, pause that deepened the uncertainty in his eyes. So I said what was in my head without reservation.

“I don’t know what we are, what I want us to be, not exactly. All I know is that I want you, all of you.”

He stroked my hair, traced my face. “I didn’t think we’d ever get here, to this moment. I’ve wanted to tell you for so long, but I didn’t want to lose you. I didn’t know if you were ready for this. For me. For more.”

“I was. I am.” A pause. “I was going to, you know. I was going to tell you the day we planted Ophelia, but you said you’d be my rebound guy, and it broke my heart.”

“I wish you had.”

I watched him, thinking through all the missed opportunities, all the wasted time. “What do you want, Kash? Tell me so I can give it to you.”

“For you to be happy. That’s all.”

Sweet were those words, selfless and true, and I felt every one. “I am,” I said before kissing him to prove it.

The crowd behind us cheered. The balloons fell. The music started again.

But we didn’t notice and didn’t care as we kissed in a dark alcove.

And I didn’t let him go until I was certain he knew he was mine.

20

A Certain Rightness

KASH

I could have kissed her forever.