I drew a painful breath and let it out slow. “He doesn’t want to talk to me, Ivy.”

“He didn’t say that,” she said with a brow up.

“It was implied.”

“He was upset and hurt. He punched Brock. You lied to him and about him. You found out about what those assholes did to you. There was a lot to process, Lila.”

“He doesn’t want to talk to me, especially not today. It’s been like twelve hours.”

“Why don’t you say what you really mean? You’re scared to talk to him.”

A flash of pain cut through me. “Yes. And that.”

“Well, that’s not a good enough reason to give up. He’s too important to you.”

“You didn’t hear what he said last night. I don’t know how to convince him of what he means to me. I don’t know what to say to make him understand.” I stopped myself with a shaky breath, my eyes filling with tears.

“The Lila I know would march down there and argue with him until he agreed with you.”

“Yeah, well, that Lila was hit by a bus. She doesn’t have any fight left in her—she’s in traction.”

For a second, she just watched me. “You are not allowed to give up,” she insisted again.

A sad chuckle. “Ivy—”

“Don’t you Ivy me. You love him, dummy.”

The cut of that word carved my heart. I did love him, fiercely and desperately. I’d known it without acknowledging it, and now that it was spoken, I feared I would never unhear it.

But Ivy kept on, her face hard. “When have you ever not fought for what you want? The people you love? You know when you’re wrong, and you own it. You challenge everything head-on. Why not Kash?”

“Because … because I deserve this,” I said around a sob. “I love him and I ruined him and I ruined everything.”

“You cannot possibly believe you’re wrong.”

“I did everything he said I did.”

“Because you were trying to save him from them.” She spat the word. “Your intentions were good.”

“And I paved the road to hell with them.”

“Stop that. I’m right, and you know it. You deserve to be heard if nothing else, and he deserves to hear the whole of it before he decides to walk away once and for all. Yes, you hurt him. But there are reasons. And if you don’t defend yourself, so help me God, Lila, I will never, ever in a trillion years let you live it down. You love him. So put on some fucking pants and go tell him.”