But it’d been harder to keep it from Kash than anyone. In part, the thought of involving him in such a decision felt too familiar, as if that knowledge would apply some pressure I couldn’t foresee, pressure that would change things. Or maybe it was that I’d chosen a place so close to him, and I didn’t want to spook him by invading his space despite the fact that we spent every spare minute together. But perhaps most of all was the admission that I’d bought this place with him in my mind, with that daydream on my lips, ready to be spoken. It was the intent I found myself denying most. Because I couldn’t pretend as if I hadn’t made this purchase in large part for us.

Even thinking it made my stomach and heart trade places. I knew it was crazy. It was too soon and I was jumping the gun and blah, blah, blah. But even if he didn’t move in right away, I had a feeling he would eventually. He was sick of sleeping in the bunk bed at his parents’ house, and I somehow doubted that once I had a place of my own, he wouldn’t become a regular fixture. The next natural step was cohabitation. It would be convenient above all—or at least, that was the reason I gave for allowing myself such a frivolous musing. It wasn’t like we could ever stay at his place, although I’d suggested it once as a novelty. Apparently, he drew the line at hooking up with his mother under the same roof.

When he put it that way, I saw his point.

It’d made me wish I’d been as carefree as Ivy was when we were teenagers. If I’d accepted her many invitations to hang out with the Bennet brothers, Kash and I might have dated then. I would have snuck into his room while one of his brothers distracted their mom with Jane Eyre. Kissed him in the greenhouse when life was still shining with promise on the horizon. Been part of a hundred Bennet dinners and the undeniable feeling of belonging that clung to them like summer. I mourned the years we hadn’t had together. I wondered what my life would have been like if we’d gotten together all those years ago. If I would have gone to LA or stayed in New York, if I would have even ended up being a wedding planner.

The thought shocked me, left me flapping in the wind like a luffing sail. I couldn’t imagine another profession for myself, not even under duress. But for Kash, I might have.

I’d do just about anything for him.

The delivery van pulled to a stop at the service entrance to Skylight, and Kash smiled over at me as he put it in park.