Chapters (39)
- Cover
- Dedication
- Author’s Note
- A Spade’s a Spade
- By Design
- Bawdy by Nature
- Tally-ho
- Labradoodle-dee-doo
- Nine Lives
- Anubis
- The Curious Case of the Missing Orgasms
- A Good Smiting
- Sausage, Please
- At Your Service
- Absolutely Filthy
- Blamo
- Because, Reasons
- An Arrangement
- Ophelia
- Sex Palace
- Birthday Bitch
- Heartless
- A Certain Rightness
- Biohazard
- Girls Like Her
- Gravity
- Best Laid Plans
- Scorched Earth
- Hey, Dummy
- All You Ever Wanted
- Directions to Hell
- All Hail the Dumbassador
- First and Always
- Sign For It
- Epilogue
- Mum’s The Word
- Thank you
- Also by Staci Hart
- About the Author
So everyone came home to help save Longbourne, and at the lead was my little brother, Luke. He and Tess had given the shop the makeover to end all makeovers, and just like that, we were back on the map. Of course, that was just one step toward recovery—Marcus, the moneyman, assured us we’d be in debt for half a decade. But it was a start.
Luke had seen to that. We were twins of the Irish variety—though we looked it too, harboring the trademark Bennet blue eyes and black hair—born in the same calendar year and in the same class in school. Our old room was a time capsule of our boyhood, complete with bunk beds and baseball posters. The desks were still topped with relics, like Luke’s Batman paperweight and a row of classic Hot Wheels I’d lined up next to my lamp. When Luke came home, we shared this room again—I’d moved into our sister Laney’s room when she left, and she reclaimed it on her return. But Luke had moved in with Tess, leaving me alone again.
Of course, solitude never bothered me like it did Luke. He couldn’t stand to be alone. I could just as easily not see another human for a week as I could share bunk beds with Luke without committing homicide.
I was pulling on my shirt when I heard the thunder of feet on the staircase and the word, “Dinner!” from Laney’s mouth, two syllables stretched infinitely as her voice faded away and up the final staircase.
We all had our jobs around the house, and Laney’s was the town crier.
I raked my hand through my damp hair to put it in place before exiting my room, making my way down the old, creaking staircase. Just before I reached the landing, I heard Laney coming and braced myself—a wise move. She jumped onto my back like a spider monkey, clamping my neck in a puny excuse for a sleeper hold.
I hooked her legs and kept going. “You’re gonna have to do better than that.”
“Meathead.”
I trotted down the stairs with an exaggerated bounce, squeezing the giggles out of her with every thunk of my feet. I put her on the ground when we hit the main floor.
“How’s the garden?” she asked.
“I’m digging it.”
A chuckle. “You’re going to make the best dad, you know that? You’ve already got a treasure trove of jokes on hand.”
“I learned from the best,” I said as we turned for the dining room. “How’s social media going?”
“Well, we just hit thirty thousand followers on Instagram, and considering we had no presence a few months ago, I’d say it’s going well. That article was the ticket, and Tess’s pictures are just too good. Really, she's made my job easy.”