I looked fresh and easy, relaxed and happy. I almost didn’t recognize myself, my hair loosely braided, my face devoid of makeup beyond a touch of mascara. Regardless of the fact that these were the most casual clothes I owned, they weren’t fit for gardening—high-waisted designer jeans, expensive T-shirt half-tucked, a woven Chanel belt—but it was the best I had. Ivy’s canvas sneakers were the most authentic thing about me, scuffed with dirt and crinkled in the creases with use.

Kash would tease me in that way of his, a joke that felt more like a compliment than an insult, an endearment rather than an affront. A fluttering in my ribcage flushed my cheeks, just like thinking of him always did.

He gave me what he’d promised—he’d been the best distraction. Since we’d started seeing each other, work had been exponentially more bearable, simply because nothing could touch me. Kash had me floating above it all, too blissed out to be bothered with pithy things like Addison and her shitty attitude. And Brock was largely a thing of the past. Every day that passed with Kash left me wondering why I’d wasted so much time with someone who was so clearly wrong for me. These days, I felt beautiful and appreciated in ways I hadn’t in years.

Maybe it was the nature of our relationship. There was a reckless abandon, an untethered freedom I’d found in him. I wished I could have said it was just about sex. I’d come to crave his smile, the lightness I felt when he was near. Of course, I craved his body too, desperately sometimes. Intensely. In moments least expected, like at a wedding venue or signing contracts. He would creep into my mind, the memory of long nights and the feel of his hands, rough and able. Of his body, hot and hard. And just like that, I’d need him with urgency that shocked and electrified me. I was alive with feeling.

I smoothed my shirt once more, ignoring the sharp edge of danger, a sheer drop off a cliff. Because how I felt didn’t have to be considered, not now. Not yet. I didn’t have to decide what to do or what would come. I was living in the moment just like everyone said you should. It shouldn’t matter that every moment was filled with Kash. But it did.

For now, I ignored it with every ounce of willpower I possessed, which was saying something. I had metric tons of willpower at my disposal.

I exited the bathroom, light on my feet, smile on my face. As I passed the couch, I leaned over the back and kissed my sister on the cheek.

“Look at you,” she said, craning her neck to see me. “I didn’t even know you owned jeans.”