It’s none of his business, but we were on the same team so long, it’s hard to dismiss him. “Back to Hawaii.”

He’s silent a moment, his face perfectly expressionless, before he barks a laugh. “Are you having a midlife crisis?” It’s Daniel’s favorite way of talking to me now. I’ve no brain, no value, nothing of importance anymore. Now that we’re divorced, he can talk to me however he likes. Funny, the lack of civilities only remind me why we’re no longer together. Won’t be talked to like a dog. Have a good mind.

“No midlife crisis, Daniel.”

“So why back to Hawaii?”

I know I don’t owe him an answer. I know I don’t owe him anything. He’s entitled to think what he wants, and I’m free to do what I want. But answering to him, humoring him, is such an ingrained habit. “I like Hawaii.”

He makes a face, his expression mocking. “Or your surf instructor.”

I stiffen. How does he know? Who told him? And then I realize how the system works. I tell Anne, and Anne tells Phil, and while Phil and Daniel play golf or have steaks at the Metropolitan Grill, they talk shit about me.

Grrrr.

Let them. Hell with them.

“Yeah,” I say, beaming up at him. “I had a great time learning to surf.”

“You really surfed.”

“I really surfed.”

“I can’t imagine you surfing.”

“Well, neither could I, but I surfed three different times and I can’t wait to do it again.”

“As well as the surfer.”

I grit my teeth. “He’s a cool guy.”

“Heard he’s young.”

I say nothing.

“You’re really reaching, aren’t you?”

I still say nothing.

“You know what they say about those guys—”

“Daniel.” I look him in the eye. “You’re dating Melinda. What’s the big deal?”

“Melinda’s brilliant. Successful. Ambitious.”

“And that makes her superior because…?”

“You’re awfully defensive, Jack.”

“I don’t need you judging me.”

“I’m not judging. I just find it funny.” He’s got that smirking thing going again. “You and your beach boy.”

“I’ll see you later.” I scoop up Jessica’s backpack and walk away.

And it hits me as I walk into the house that I’m trapped. Trapped in life, by life, trapped by decisions that seemed so good years ago. Trapped by the me I used to be, trapped by the me I am now, trapped by a future that isn’t yet here but teases me endlessly, relentlessly.

To want more. To need more. To crave more with every breath, every thought, every bit of me.

And more right now happens to be in Hawaii.