“Okay, paddle,” he shouts.

I try, not very hard, because I know I’m going to get knocked off my board.

“Paddle harder, Jackie!”

I do.

“On your knees.”

I’m on my knees, more or less, as the board tips right and left.

“Up! On your feet!”

I try to rise, but before I’m even halfway up I’m going over and off to the right. The wave crashes over me and catches the board; the board flips up, tugs on my leash, and I’m clawing up to the surface, feeling panicky for air even though I haven’t been down long. It’s just that it’s the ocean, and I’ve never swum in the ocean that much. Of course, the kids always played on the beach, but not where one couldn’t touch bottom, not like this.

Kai’s there, holding my board steady while I try to climb on. “What happened?” he asks.

“I lost my balance.”

“Keep your foot in the middle of the board. Go from your knees straight up.”

He’s towing me back to our starting position. My morale is really low. He makes it sound so easy, and for him it is easy, but I’m in over my head. Literally.

We try again. I fall once more, this time to the left.

Kai’s getting good at retrieving me. “You’ve almost got it,” he says. “Just relax. Don’t stiffen up. Keep your knees bent.”

“I don’t know, Kai.” I’m spluttering from taking a big mouthful of water. “I don’t think I can—”

“I do,” he says.

I sigh inwardly, thinking evil thoughts. It’s very possible I could hate him, but I drag myself back onto my board. He has way too much confidence. Whether it’s in me or in him, I don’t know.

Kai tows me out again. He reaches for my surfboard, swings it around, and suddenly it’s all slow motion.

I see him—wet, skin glistening, sun shining down—and everything looks as it would in a movie with the right lighting and right camera lens. Turquoise water, white-tipped waves, a diamond glazing on Kai, on me, on everything.

For that split second, I feel nothing and everything all at the same time. I hear water rushing and roaring, but it’s not just the ocean. It’s the sound of life. The sense of destiny. For a moment, life seems to have grown beyond me, becoming far more than I ever thought it was, more than I knew it could be. Life isn’t at all what I thought it was, either. Life is grander, more beautiful, more complex, more impossible. Heartbreaking and ravishing, tenacious and fragile, true and false.