Josh sighed. ‘She ain’t Shauna Everett no more. She’s my wife. We’ve got a son.’

Trace was silent for a long moment. ‘You poor bastard,’ she said at last. ‘I wouldn’t wish that cow on anyone. But maybe you deserve her. Dad reckons it was that made Claire run off. You and that fucking Everett bitch.’

‘Shut up, Trace.’

‘What, truth hurts, does it?’

‘It’s not the truth. Me and Shauna happened after me and Claire split up, not before.’

‘Yeah? Bollocks!’ She stared at him with contempt. ‘The pair of you? You fucking well deserve one another.’

As she moved away from his mum’s graveside and stalked, her words echoed in his head and he couldn’t shake them out of it.

57

57

Josh went on with his life, doing more and more lucrative fights, throwing challenges down and having them accepted, pulverizing every opponent who came at him. He won and won and won, but . . .

Claire was still missing. She’d never gone home.

As Shauna slept peacefully beside him, sometimes he would lie there in the dark and churn it all over. That fight with Matty O’Connor, and his insane insistence that Claire – gentle, caring Claire – should be there to see it. A night that should have been a triumph, and it was a total disaster. And then denying her the big wedding she wanted.

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

God, he’d loved her so much, and losing her had been like losing a part of himself.

He loved her still.

Shit, wasn’t that the truth? He might have taken off with Shauna, he might be married to Shauna. As if she would ever let him forget it with all the anniversary bullcrap she insisted on. But he was still in love with Claire and that was his tragedy. Because she was gone and it was over. And he had a kid, now: he couldn’t let his boy down.

He was too far along with this life to ever try to go back again and pick up the threads of that one.

Sometimes he dreamed of Claire running ahead of him through meadows buzzing with bees and thick with wild flowers. Her blonde hair was bouncing like a beautiful banner of gold silk behind her. Her face was turning back toward him, a smile on her lips, her blue eyes alight with mischief, her laughter drifting to him on a warm summer breeze.

Catch me, Josh. Come on! Catch me.

But he never did.

And now he knew he never would.

58

58

Shauna opened the door one lunchtime, expecting the woman who would fit the blinds in her and Josh’s bedroom, and found Jeb Cleaver standing there again. She thought maybe he’d got the message at last. But he bloody hadn’t.

‘What the fuck?’ she asked, hand to her chest. ‘Damn, you startled me.’