He turned, half-blinded by tears and the low, stabbing sunlight, and squinted at them. Couldn’t see them. It was the truth: he’d lost the girl he’d loved best in the world. Shauna would never compare with Claire. Much as he tried with her, and respected her because she was the mother of his child, he knew that she would never compare. Never.

‘Fuck it,’ said a sharp female voice. ‘It’s you.’

Josh blinked. And then he realized the person standing there was Trace Milo, Claire’s sister.

56

56

‘What the fuck are you doing here?’ said Josh, swiping at his tears with embarrassment.

Blinking, he looked at Trace. Her mid-brown hair was tinted an unflattering pinky-auburn. Trace’s expression had always been hard, and her eyes right now were blank of anything but hatred. She was wearing flared stonewash jeans and a black anorak trimmed with grey fur around the hood. She stood there and stared angrily at him, arms folded around herself for warmth as a biting wind whistled through the graveyard.

‘You got some fucking balls, asking me what I’m doing here.’ Her lips curved in a bitter smile. ‘What about you, arsehole? What you doing here?’

‘Visiting Mum,’ said Josh.

‘You left that a bit late.’ Trace’s voice was harsh. ‘You didn’t even attend her bloody funeral, did you? I come here every week. Every fucking week. And I’ve never once seen you here before. Couldn’t be bothered, I suppose. Moved up in the world, aintcha.’

Josh couldn’t say a thing to that. He hadn’t come here as he should. He knew he should have visited, paid his respects. But the fact was, he had no respect for his mother. She should have protected him from his father, but instead she had stood by and watched. Only today had he been able to face coming to her grave. Now he felt wrecked and was wishing he hadn’t.

‘You visiting your folks then?’ Josh nodded to where the Milo plots were.

‘Yeah. That’s what decent people do,’ she said. Her eyes held his. ‘She never came back, our Claire. Never got in touch, either.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Oh, you care, do you?’ she sniffed.

‘I looked for her. Went to Ireland. You know I did. I searched. But she wasn’t there. You haven’t had a letter? Nothing?’

‘Not a fucking thing. Mum’s never got over it, you know. She still clutches on to that fucking great wedding dress that Claire should have worn. Won’t get rid of it. Shouts at Dad that they should have gone on with the search, they should have kept the muskras involved.’

Josh shook his head. ‘Wherever she is, she don’t want to be found. She’s cut all ties, that much is clear.’

‘Pretty damned clear you have too. Dad told me about finding you with that bitch Shauna Everett.’