Back Expectation: a Novel
Chapters (66)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. London Fields
  5. 2010
  6. Hannah
  7. Cate
  8. Lissa
  9. Cate
  10. Abjections
  11. Hannah
  12. Lissa
  13. Soulmates
  14. Cate
  15. Lissa
  16. Hannah
  17. Resistance
  18. Cate
  19. Lissa
  20. Hannah
  21. True North
  22. Cate
  23. Lissa
  24. Hannah
  25. London
  26. Lissa
  27. Cate
  28. Lissa
  29. Hannah
  30. Bras
  31. Cate
  32. Hannah
  33. Cate
  34. Hannah
  35. Cate
  36. Hannah
  37. Lissa
  38. Hannah
  39. Lissa
  40. Hens
  41. Cate
  42. Hannah
  43. Lissa
  44. Hannah
  45. Cate
  46. Lissa
  47. Hannah
  48. Epithalamium
  49. Lissa
  50. Hannah
  51. Cate
  52. Lissa
  53. Hannah
  54. Lissa
  55. Hannah
  56. Cate
  57. Lissa
  58. Hannah
  59. Lissa
  60. 2012
  61. Hannah
  62. London Fields
  63. Acknowledgments
  64. About the Author
  65. Also by Anna Hope
  66. About the Publisher

When they are sixteen Cate puts a picture of Patti Smith on her wall, a life-sized poster of the cover of Horses. She got it at the Corn Exchange in town. They go to Afflecks Palace and search the musty racks for jackets like Patti’s. Hannah actually carries the look better, as she has no breasts to speak of yet. All that summer, on Monday nights, they tell Hannah’s mum she is going to a sleepover at Cate’s, and they take the bus into town to the Ritz, where they jump up and down on the bouncy dance floor to the Pixies and Nirvana and R.E.M. Cate wears tutus and Doc Martens boots and striped tops with frayed edges. Hannah wears long patchwork skirts and Doc Martens. If she pushed it any further, her mum would have a heart attack. As it is, when she applies kohl pencil, her mum nearly has a fit.

They go to a small town to the west of Paris on their French exchange and come back speaking halfway decent French. They walk on Saturdays, arm in arm in Fletcher Moss Park, where they practice speaking French in loud voices. They test each other on past exam questions: Emma Bovary is a tragic heroine. Discuss.

How is Emma Bovary responsible for her own downfall? Or do the nature of provincial society and the people around her make her unhappiness inevitable?

Their English teacher that year is a dedicated, energetic woman who believes in social mobility, in empowering girls. She suggests that they both apply for Oxford and she puts in extra time in the evenings, tutoring them both for the exam. They enter a new era of competition, spurring each other on.

One Saturday morning Cate’s mother falls, crumpled over herself in the cereal aisle in Asda. She goes back into hospital and Cate stays on a camping cot in Hannah’s room. At night, when Hannah is asleep, Cate lies beneath the duvet and looks at Hannah, cocooned in her sleep, in her security, and feels horror, waiting for her in the dark.

She goes to see her mum in hospice the week before she dies. Her mum’s eyes are enormous. She seems to take up so little room on the bed. The room smells sharp and thick at the same time. “Oh,” her mother says, when Cate comes into the room. It sounds as if someone is pressing her stomach, letting out all the air. Cate walks slowly towards her. She thinks this is probably the last time she will see her mother. Part of her wants to laugh; she puts her hand to her mouth and presses it to stop the laugh from coming out.

“Here you are,” says her mother as she gathers Cate to her. “Here you are.”