Back Expectation: a Novel Save as PDF
Chapters (66)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. London Fields
  5. 2010
  6. Hannah
  7. Cate
  8. Lissa
  9. Cate
  10. Abjections
  11. Hannah
  12. Lissa
  13. Soulmates
  14. Cate
  15. Lissa
  16. Hannah
  17. Resistance
  18. Cate
  19. Lissa
  20. Hannah
  21. True North
  22. Cate
  23. Lissa
  24. Hannah
  25. London
  26. Lissa
  27. Cate
  28. Lissa
  29. Hannah
  30. Bras
  31. Cate
  32. Hannah
  33. Cate
  34. Hannah
  35. Cate
  36. Hannah
  37. Lissa
  38. Hannah
  39. Lissa
  40. Hens
  41. Cate
  42. Hannah
  43. Lissa
  44. Hannah
  45. Cate
  46. Lissa
  47. Hannah
  48. Epithalamium
  49. Lissa
  50. Hannah
  51. Cate
  52. Lissa
  53. Hannah
  54. Lissa
  55. Hannah
  56. Cate
  57. Lissa
  58. Hannah
  59. Lissa
  60. 2012
  61. Hannah
  62. London Fields
  63. Acknowledgments
  64. About the Author
  65. Also by Anna Hope
  66. About the Publisher

“SHOULD WE DO SOMETHING THIS WEEKEND?”

Nathan is standing in the shower. It is the second day after the transfer. The door to the terrace is open, and autumn sunshine streams into the flat.

“Like what?” he calls over the water.

“Like—I don’t know—get out of London? Go to the countryside. The sea.”

“Yeah, why not. Oh, wait . . .” He turns off the shower and reaches for a towel. “I’ve got that paper to turn around for publication.”

She watches him towel himself dry, stretch in a shaft of sun. He comes towards her. “You look well,” he says.

“I feel it.”

He tastes of coffee and toothpaste and soap.

“But you should,” he calls behind him, as he goes into the bedroom and pulls out a pair of boxers and jeans from his drawers. “Get out, I mean. Why don’t you go and see someone? See Cate? Go to Canterbury? Or—what’s that place by the sea? Nearby? The one with the oysters?”

“Whitstable.”

“Yeah, that’s it.” He comes back over towards her, buttoning up his jeans. “Why not go there?”

“Maybe.”

“Wait. Can you eat oysters? If you’re—?”

“Oh. No,” she says, closing her eyes, warmth inside, warmth without. “No, I don’t think you can.”

IN THE END she does nothing—finding that she does not want to stray far from home after all. But as she goes about her weekend, she thinks of the embryos inside her. Often, she takes out the photograph and stares at it, tracing them with her finger, those two points of light, surrounded by an immensity of dark.

ON MONDAY, THE fourth day, they call. She is in a meeting, and feels her phone buzz in her bag. She excuses herself, goes out into the hallway and answers.

“I’m sorry,” the nurse says. “Nothing has been frozen. The other embryos were not doing well.”

“Oh,” says Hannah. “Thank you.”

The pulse, the flicker of life. Gone out.

“What happens?” she says softly. “To the other embryos? Can you tell me?”

“I . . .” The nurse falters. She sounds very young. “They’re . . . disposed of, I imagine. I’m sorry, no one’s ever—”

“It’s OK,” says Hannah. “Thanks.”

ON THE SIXTH day, a Wednesday, she goes to meet Lissa at the theater. She gets out of the tube at Embankment and walks slowly over Hungerford Bridge, where dusk is falling and the lights are dancing in the river.