Back Expectation: a Novel
Chapters (66)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. London Fields
  5. 2010
  6. Hannah
  7. Cate
  8. Lissa
  9. Cate
  10. Abjections
  11. Hannah
  12. Lissa
  13. Soulmates
  14. Cate
  15. Lissa
  16. Hannah
  17. Resistance
  18. Cate
  19. Lissa
  20. Hannah
  21. True North
  22. Cate
  23. Lissa
  24. Hannah
  25. London
  26. Lissa
  27. Cate
  28. Lissa
  29. Hannah
  30. Bras
  31. Cate
  32. Hannah
  33. Cate
  34. Hannah
  35. Cate
  36. Hannah
  37. Lissa
  38. Hannah
  39. Lissa
  40. Hens
  41. Cate
  42. Hannah
  43. Lissa
  44. Hannah
  45. Cate
  46. Lissa
  47. Hannah
  48. Epithalamium
  49. Lissa
  50. Hannah
  51. Cate
  52. Lissa
  53. Hannah
  54. Lissa
  55. Hannah
  56. Cate
  57. Lissa
  58. Hannah
  59. Lissa
  60. 2012
  61. Hannah
  62. London Fields
  63. Acknowledgments
  64. About the Author
  65. Also by Anna Hope
  66. About the Publisher

When Cate and Hannah talk, they talk about their children mostly—talk through them, even, reaching for them, touching them often, smoothing their hair. And their children talk, too—they know each other well, it is clear; they tell Lissa about a holiday they all took last summer to France. As Lissa watches, she feels a familiar ache. She will be forty-four on her next birthday. As the years in which she might conceivably conceive have diminished, she has felt a corresponding, surprising sadness rise. It is not that she wants a child, not really; she is happy with her life, with her apartment in a cool-tiled building in Coyoacán, with her partner, who is a kind and gentle man. She and he sleep late on the weekends. They have their lives to themselves. It is just that sometimes, lately, on the way to work, or walking through the weekend markets, she will stop, made suddenly breathless at the sight of a baby. And Mexico is full of babies. But mostly, most days, she is fine. Her partner has a son, a boy of fifteen, who lives with his mother nearby. He spends every other weekend with them. Lissa likes him. He is kind and studious and funny, like his father. He likes to sleep late too.

Hannah’s daughter talks about her dad—who is coming to pick her up later, as she is staying at his house tonight—and the mention of Nathan hovers dangerously in the air between the women, but as the girl chatters on, oblivious, the moment loses its charge, is lost in the next moment, and the next.

They look at each other, these women, as the girls talk, noticing the ways in which they have aged. They are not the same women as they were.

They worry. They worry about their parents—their fathers mostly. Hannah’s father, who forgets things—more and more, it seems—who no longer meets her on the platform at Stockport station when she travels north. Cate’s father, in Spain, who drinks too much, and is lonely. Lissa’s father, who seems to have no joy in his life at all.

They worry about summer, which is coming earlier and lasting longer each year—a worry that taints their enjoyment of this beautiful May afternoon like a dark drop of ink swirled in clear water. Most of all they worry about the future, about their children, about the world they will inherit, a world that seems so fractured and fast and ever more splintered. They worry about how their generation will be judged by those who come after, and if that judgment will be hard, about whether there is still time to rectify this, because, more and more these days, they would like those who come after them to look back and be proud.