Like the knob that controls my senses is suddenly cranked to the extreme right, and then the entire panel smashed to pieces.

And now I can hear the driver’s hands tightening around the wheel as we approach the bend. And I smell burning pine. And then we’re right on top of those lights, they’re in our car, and we’re turning the corner, and every photon is leaping into my eyes.

And I can’t see.

But also, I see them.

I see us, smiling, laughing, our family car filled with blinding light.

Our love is at an al-pine high! Our love is at an al-pine high!

“I’m gonna be sick,” I say.

I barely make it two feet out the car before I torpedo vomit onto the side of the road.

Ms. B glides her hand up and down my back. “Feel better?”

“Yeah, I think so. Maybe,” I say. “Just woozy.”

She frowns. “Takes slow, deep breaths.”

And so I do.

I play a game with myself where I concentrate on each breath and pretend as if my stomach and throat aren’t inside-jobbing me.

“We should get you checked out, Jamal.” She grips my wrist. “Your pulse’s out of control. You’re clearly dehydrated. And . . .”

I raise my hand. “No. I just need rest,” I assure her. “Like the doctors said. It’s been a long night for all of us.”

Which, true. Behind us, the sun is escalating, the sky brightening.

I have to promise that I feel better, that I’ll tell her the second that changes, that once home I’ll tell Whit if that changes, and then I’m slipping back on my seat belt, my phone buzzing in the door pocket.

I unlock the screen as we angle back onto the road.

Autumn: Hey, what’s going on??

Autumn: You there?

Autumn: Will you please update me when you get a chance?

Autumn: I’d rather know, even if it’s bad. Don’t decide anything for me

Autumn: OMG, JAMAL CALL ME

Autumn: JAMALLLLLL, SRSLY?!

I tap a quick response back, hating that I can’t tell her the truth.

Me: Hey, I’m so sorry!!!! But everything’s okay.

She responds almost immediately.

Autumn: OMG, were you trying to kill me??? You can’t leave me hanging like that, Jamal. Not when the last time I see you, you and Q are in the back of an ambulance!!

Her next text, a half-dozen rows of alternating angry emojis and crying emojis.

Me: You’re right. There was just so much going on and we weren’t allowed to use our phones back there with all the equipment and I just wasn’t thinking straight.

Me: I’m really really really sorry.

Autumn: Are you still at the hospital? Where’s Q?

Me: Yeah, they’re keeping him another few hours for observation