BooksBarbecue
Back Early Departures
Chapters (122)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. Facts
  5. 101
  6. 100
  7. 23 Months After the Funeral
  8. 99
  9. 98
  10. 97
  11. 96
  12. 95
  13. 94
  14. 93
  15. 92
  16. 91
  17. 90
  18. 89
  19. 88
  20. 87
  21. 86
  22. 85
  23. 84
  24. 83
  25. 82
  26. 81
  27. 80
  28. 79
  29. 78
  30. 77
  31. 76
  32. 75
  33. 74
  34. 73
  35. 72
  36. 71
  37. 70
  38. 69
  39. 68
  40. 67
  41. 66
  42. 65
  43. 64
  44. 63
  45. 62
  46. 61
  47. 60
  48. 59
  49. 58
  50. Postreanimation Day 1
  51. 57
  52. 56
  53. 55
  54. 54
  55. 53
  56. 52
  57. 51
  58. 50
  59. 49
  60. 48
  61. 47
  62. Day 2
  63. 46
  64. 45
  65. 44
  66. 43
  67. 42
  68. 41
  69. 40
  70. 39
  71. 38
  72. 37
  73. 36
  74. Day 3
  75. 35
  76. 34
  77. 33
  78. 32
  79. 31
  80. 30
  81. Day 4
  82. 29
  83. 28
  84. 27
  85. 26
  86. Quincy
  87. 25
  88. Jamal
  89. 24
  90. 23
  91. 22
  92. 21
  93. 20
  94. Day 4
  95. 19
  96. 18
  97. 17
  98. Day 5
  99. 16
  100. 15
  101. 14
  102. 13
  103. 12
  104. 11
  105. 10
  106. Day 6
  107. 9
  108. 8
  109. 7
  110. 6
  111. 5
  112. 4
  113. 14 Days Postreanimation
  114. 3
  115. 2
  116. 1
  117. 0
  118. Acknowledgments
  119. About the Author
  120. Books by Justin A. Reynolds
  121. Back Ad
  122. About the Publisher

We pass an auto parts shop where all the employees knew my dad by name. And then the convenience store where Q and I spent all our lawn-cutting money buying fruit snacks, chips, SLAM magazine. Then we’re in front of Dollar-A-Slice Pizza.

28

JAUNCY IN THE STREETS TuberOne
29,452 views image 9.2K image 374 | JAUNCY COMEDY DUO | SUBSCRIBE 21,265

CUT TO: outside DOLLAR-A-SLICE PIZZA

Q: So, we’re outside DOLLAR-A-SLICE PIZZA, where every slice of pizza costs just . . .

PAN TO: a fourteen-year-old kid wearing a personalized Lakers jersey and holding a paper plate with a slice of cheese pizza on it

Lakers Jersey: Like five dollars?

Q: No.

Lakers Jersey: Three dollars.

Q: No.

Lakers Jersey: Man, I hate math.

Q: You just bought a slice of pizza.

Lakers Jersey: And?

Q: How much did that slice cost?

Lakers Jersey: I don’t know. I just handed him a twenty, bro.

Q: How much did he give you back?

Lakers Jersey: What, you want me to count it?

*Kid fishes a wad of bills from his pocket, zoom in on Q’s face*

Q: We haven’t even gotten to the actual question yet, but honestly, I’m . . . riveted.

Lakers Jersey: Wait, are you guys even famous enough for me to do your video?

PAN TO: Q’s face like, whaaaat did he just say?

Q: We just hit twenty thousand subscribers, so.

Lakers Jersey: Aw, well, don’t feel bad. You guys seem cool. You’ll get there.

*Q trying to hold it together, before busting out laughing*

Q: Wait, so you a big Lakers fan?

Lakers Jersey (points to the front of his jersey with pride): Ride or die.

Q: So, help me out. I’m not familiar with any Laker named C. D’Brickashaw.

Lakers Jersey (laughing): Man, it’s personalized. That’s my name. Coyote D’Brickashaw.

Q (head tilted in contemplation): Wait. So. Hmm. Your legal name, what’s printed on your actual certificate of birth, is Coyote D’Brickashaw?

Lakers Jersey: Yep. Why? Am I the first Coyote you know?

*Zoom in on Q’s face, nodding slowly*

*A chime plays and CORRECT flashes on the screen*

Q: I never say anything with a hundred percent certainty, Coyote, but I am one hundred and eighty-nine million percent confident you are the first Coyote this entire planet knows.

*A chime plays and CONFIRMED flashes on the screen*

Q: You got any siblings, Coyote?

Lakers Jersey (smiling): A sister. Her name’s Turtle.

*Q passes out on the sidewalk, unconscious*

CUT TO: Q, back upright

Q: I know you don’t like math, Coyote, but this is gonna be a simple equation, okay? I’m gonna throw you an easy lob for you to slam home. You ready?

Lakers Jersey: Sure, man.

Q: On average there are thirty days in a month . . . if you take those thirty days . . . and add your two parents . . . of those thirty days . . . how many of them . . . would you say . . . your two parents . . . smoke weed?