And I don’t know if it’s my eyes clenched too tight, or if my brain’s so hot my vision shorts, but suddenly all’s black, everything heavy.

This moment like an anvil dropped from the sky.

93

“What the hell are you doing?” Autumn says.

She practically tackles me, propelling me into Q, all of us crashing into the sand.

I struggle for breath, stumble to my feet. “No, what are you doing?”

Autumn shakes her head. “I told you, J. I won’t be with a caveman. You wanna be an actual tough guy, try apologizing.”

“Apologizing?” I spit out a tongueful of sand. “For what?”

She makes her you know what I mean face. But I wave her off. “Nah. This dude needs to apologize to me.”

Q brushes off his shorts and laughs. “That ain’t happening.”

Autumn, a human traffic light, steps between us, holds up a palm at Q, a palm at me.

“This is stupid. You both are right and you both are wrong and . . .”

But Q shakes his head, points at Autumn. “Yo, this your bodyguard?”

“Don’t point at her.” I step closer to knock his hand away, but Autumn bumps me back.

Q laughs, holds up his hands in surrender. “Autumn, you seem cool. Maybe in another life, we’d be friends. But I feel bad for you because you don’t see what’s coming.”

Autumn shakes her head. “What are you talking about?”

Q smiles. “You think Jamal actually likes you? You’re a placeholder, Autumn.”

“Q, I’m warning you, that’s enough.” I try to step in front of Autumn, but she stands her ground.

“People like you and me don’t matter to people like him. We’re just seat fillers. The second someone he likes more comes around, he’ll ball you up.”

“That’s not true,” she says. “I know you think that’s what happened to you but it’s not true.”

“That’s exactly what happened.”

A few kids hear our commotion and post up along the perimeter to watch.

“Q, just stop,” I say.

“Be smart, Autumn. He’ll toss you and not think twice. My advice? Leave him first.”

“Is that what you think? That he tossed you? How can you toss something you never had?”

Q looks confused. “What are you talking about?”

I touch Autumn’s shoulder. “Autumn, please, just . . .”

But she pats my hand, like it’s okay, I got you, her voice already softening. “Look, I honestly don’t want to hurt your feelings, Q. But you were barely friends. Jamal felt sorry for you. Tried to be nice to you. But you . . . you were smothering him, man. He couldn’t breathe. And he had so much going on—”