I’m sure it will seem to her as though I’m throwing money at the situation. Good old Brendan. He’s never one to inconvenience himself, but God knows he’s adept at putting his hand in his pocket. But that’s not the full truth.

I’m not trying to buy her. I’m trying to buy time.

The money buys me a way in, and I’ll take every second as a chance to show up for her. To show up for Tabby. To prove to them, through consistent action rather than my usual charming words and easy smiles, that I’m someone they want to keep around.

I should probably reacquaint my dick with my fist.

It’s going to be a long, dry couple of months.

CHAPTER 49

Brendan

I’m a grand gesture kind of guy, which is probably a nice way of saying I tend to throw money at problems in the hope that they’ll go away. I’m far more generous with my money than I am with my time and energy. If I piss off any of the women in my life—Mum, Mairead, Elaine—I’ll send them a huge bunch of flowers and pray that does the trick.

But as I watch Marlowe sleeping, I realise that grand gestures aren’t going to work with her. One, because she’s not impressed by them, and two, because they’re not what she needs. She’s brought a very sick kid up alone and borne the sole weight of that burden for years. What she needs is support and companionship and commitment, not a bunch of fucking roses.

There are no shortcuts here. I’m relieved she bawled me out before she finally fell into a deep, exhausted sleep. It tells me she’s not completely broken. But it was a tough listen. I won’t kid myself that the intimacies she’s permitted this afternoon are born out of anything other than necessity. Her tank is empty; I’m around to help her replenish it a little. I’m a body, if you like: someone who can relieve her stress and pull his weight and just generally make himself available.

I’m not stupid.

The symmetry of this situation isn’t lost on me. She’ll be able to use me, just like I thought I was using her. She already has used me. I kind of love it. If it levels the playing field even the tiniest bit, then I’m thrilled.

And do you know what? I may be an analytical genius, because if I have my way, the dynamic will be exactly the reverse of what we had. I used her, took her for granted. I thought I had boundaries up. Thought I was clear in my head about what I’d allow and not allow from this relationship.

Was I fuck.