‘You have one priority, and that’s Tabby,’ I continue. ‘Now is not the time to be settling into any new job while she recovers. You and I work well together. You know my systems and my business and my idiosyncrasies. I don’t want a new assistant.’

‘Why are you doing all this?’ she whispers.

I’m still up on one elbow, gazing down at her. She looks so small and alone and uncertain that it slays me. I wish I could run my fingers through her still-damp hair and tell her what I’ve grown to accept over the past twenty-four hours—that she is my whole world, and it terrifies me. That I will move heaven and earth to make her happy and to keep her daughter safe. That she holds all the power, every last drop of it, and I never stood a chance with her, only I was too scaredy-cat to admit it to myself.

I wish I could tell her that keeping her on as my regular EA-with-no-benefits isn’t an altruistic or financially reckless move on my end but a desperate ploy to keep her close, to buy myself time while I embark on several monumental tasks.

To regain her trust.

To build a relationship with the most important person in her life.

To prove myself worthy of playing the part I know I want to play in both their lives.

It may sound rash. After all, I’m not known for my impulse control. But it’s not. On the contrary, it’s very bloody overdue. I fucked up once, and I’m not going to let this opportunity slip through my fingers again.

Because I have no intention of ever losing this woman again.

But I can’t divulge the wishes of my heart now, because she won’t want to hear them, and she’s not ready to hear them, and, most importantly, I haven’t earned the right to voice them.

Instead, I shrug. ‘Partly it’s self-serving. I’d rather keep you around than train up a new EA. But mainly it’s a way for me to make amends. I didn’t support you. On the contrary, I failed you, big time. I told you in the shower that I’m not here to save you, but I am here to support you. I’ve put so much extra strain on you at a time in your life when you needed to conserve all your strength for Tabby, and I’ve caused you so much hurt, and I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. So let me show you my support in the way I know best.’

She bites her lip, then nods. ‘Okay… thanks. If you’re sure—I mean, it’s so generous. But only for another couple of months, alright? Then I should have enough saved up.’