‘I know we have a contract, and I’ve always tried to give you what you need to compensate for all the deception, and I know we both find aspects of the dynamic really hot. But there’s dominating me, and then there’s treating me like I’m a worthless piece of shit, like I’m not even human.’ My voice breaks, my face crumpling like a child’s. ‘And that was how you made me feel, even before you called me into that lunch meeting and ordered me to suck your friend off. You made me feel like I had no value whatsoever, aside from my holes, and I can safely say I’ve never, ever felt so devalued in my life, not even when Tabby’s father told me to go fuck myself.’ I can barely get the words out. ‘Last week was so horrible that I wanted to curl up into a ball and die. I couldn’t, though, because I had a very sick, very scared little girl to look after. But I will tell you this—I’ve never been so glad to get away from anyone as I was from you that day.’

It’s all flooded back to me. The emotions I’m reliving towards this man are so different from the ones he’s elicited today. I want to punch him and hug him at the same time. How can the same man shove his hands between my legs in front of a roomful of his friends and then wash my hair so tenderly?

‘Fuck, I’m so sorry.’ The tears course over my nose and down my cheek, soaking my pillow. He reaches out and drags his thumb over them, but it doesn’t do much. ‘I can’t bear it. I’m so disgusted. I don’t—I don’t know what the hell came over me.’

He swallows, but he doesn’t look away. ‘I’ve been an entitled shit who values the wrong things my whole life. Ask my brother. I didn’t get Gabe’s strength of character. It’s no excuse, but everything I did last week was out of self-preservation. You were collateral damage in the worst possible way, and I chose not to see what a dick I was being to you because I purposely blocked out any thoughts about anyone other than yours truly.

‘I had this fucked-up idea that you were there for me, and that I deserved to get my pound of flesh, and I did all those things knowing what a truly special person you were.’ He grimaces. ‘I think that made me worse. And I think that if I had a therapist, which I probably should, they’d say I was self-sabotaging as much as anything else, by driving away the only real thing of value in my life.’