‘I didn’t just suck it all up,’ I tell him. ‘I may not have entered into it by choice, but most of the time it was amazing.’ I give him a shy smile. ‘Obviously you know I had fun. You were there. I just—I don’t understand why you were so mean to me last week. It was like a switch had been flipped—you were so nasty and contemptuous. It felt like you hated me, or something. I’ve never seen you be misogynistic before, but last week you were.’

His face is so stricken that I almost feel bad, but it has to be said. He has to know that the particulars of our working relationship don’t give him the right to treat women like that.

‘I know, believe me, and like I said, I’m disgusted with myself. But I definitely don’t hate you, love. Far from it.’

I wait, because an explanation is still forthcoming.

He sighs. ‘Are you sure you’re up for this conversation? You’re exhausted. I don’t want to dump my shit on you if you’d rather wait till later.’

‘I’d rather clear the air,’ I say firmly. ‘I think it’s important.’

He nods. ‘I got scared, which sounds even more pathetic when I say it out loud. God. I felt us growing closer, and it freaked me the hell out, so I thought I’d put some distance between us. I was livid that you were buggering off on jury duty, because I knew I’d miss you, and it made me act out. I told myself I should put up some boundaries and remember what our relationship was supposed to be.’ He pauses. ‘Rather than what it was actually becoming, which was something real.’

We’re both quiet for a second. While I appreciate his candour, I can feel myself getting angry. I may have deceived him to the extreme, but the choices he made last week were frankly disgusting. He needs to know that when he lashes out thoughtlessly, the effect on others can be devastating.

‘So you thought treating me like the whore you bought would be an effective antidote,’ I say, my voice quivering. ‘You shot your load in my mouth and then told me to, I quote, clear off. You bent me over your desk and just left me there.’

He flinches, but I’m not finished.