Elaine is a godsend. Brendan mentioned to me that he was in dire need of an executive assistant to assume the bulk of his professional workload from her, but he certainly hasn’t shown any interest in the more administrative side of my, um, onboarding process. When she and I settle ourselves on some sleek sofas over by the coffee machine for a debrief, three things become clear. One, she’s had way too much on her plate juggling both jobs, two, she’s pretty hilarious, and three, she’s a gold mine of information on my new boss.

‘There are a few things you need to know from the outset,’ she tells me, and I lean forward, eager to get the inside track on Brendan Sullivan, billionaire CEO and sex god.

‘If you have pens you like, hide them. He fidgets with everything, especially in meetings. During the last quarterly management meeting, I made the mistake of leaving my favourite fountain pen on the table. By the end, he'd completely disassembled it—springs, ink cartridge, the lot—while explaining our expansion plans to the management team. Never found the bloody cap. Now I keep a drawer of cheap clicky pens just for him. He really likes clicking things. He has a fidget toy in his pocket, but basically nothing is sacred.’

I laugh out loud. That was not what I was expecting her to lead with. ‘Okay, got it. Cheap pens.’

‘Cheap clicky pens, remember. Right, next thing. He operates on what I call “Sullivan Standard Time”. He's either fifteen minutes early or forty minutes late—there's no in-between. For important meetings, I tell him they start half an hour before they actually do. He thinks he's chronically late, but he's actually been surprisingly punctual for the past year. He has no idea.’

‘Understood,’ I say, making a mental note to keep Brendan’s calendar on this adjusted time going forward.

‘Oh, but he absolutely hates it if anyone else is late, especially if he’s turned up early. He throws a total toddler tantrum. There’s nothing worse to him than people wasting his time, and it’s your job to chivvy everyone along so they don’t rock up late and derail everything. I usually call the key attendees up fifteen minutes before a meeting starts.’

I can see that. I can easily imagine Brendan pacing, throwing his toys. And it’s not much of a leap to understand why a guy who hates wasting time might incorporate his sexual needs into his office hours.

‘That makes sense,’ I say. ‘Uh—does he throw many toddler tantrums?’