‘They’re not stopping!’ S1 called out in alarm. Robbie Schmidt bolted, a streak of red across the quad, and Sarah and Sophia scurried after him. Claudia broke away from me and started twirling and pirouetting in front of the marching band, making wide sweeping gestures with her arms, still holding the Monologues. Her interpretive dance version of the play probably. Or just an excuse to show off her belly-button piercing.

But me? I was still standing. I would not be silenced.

‘WE WERE WORRIED WHAT WE THINK ABOUT VAGINAS!’ I declared. ‘AND EVEN MORE WORRIED THAT WE DON’T THINK ABOUT THEM!’

Fifteen feet away … louder, bigger, brighter, the deafening blast was right in my face now.

‘MOVE, ALEX!’ Mary Kate shouted hoarsely to me. She had scurried to safety on the side of the quad with the others, but she was still filming as she pleaded with me.

‘You’re gonna get crushed in the stampede, Alex! HAVEN’T YOU SEEN THE LION KING? THIS IS HOW MUFASA DIED!’

I ignored her. Hold your ground, Heck, I told myself, planting my feet in determination, tightening every muscle in my body. You are a badass bitch with righteous principles, like that suffragette who threw herself in front of the king’s horse. HOLD YOUR GROUND!

The band brought ‘The Stars and Stripes Forever’ to a crashing, thunderous finale – I could still hear Mary Kate, sounding very far away, calling out to me – but the band was not slowing down – they transitioned into the infamous St Mary’s fight song – those dreaded first notes rang out – dum-DUM-dah-dah – I was standing my ground, standing my ground – I closed my eyes and thrust my book in the air and shouted one last hoarse cry right into the bell of a giant tuba, ‘THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES FOREVER!’ – but the marching band and the music swallowed me and my battle-cry whole.

Everything went dark for what felt like several minutes. When I woke up, I was sprawled on the ground. Blinking in the sunlight overhead, I saw Mary Kate’s face. I pulled myself up and groped in the damp grass to find my battered copy of The Vagina Monologues, which had been flung several feet away. The sound of the fight song was fading away, and, turning my sore neck with a sharp pain, I saw the marching band in the distance, streaming on towards the hockey arena. Robbie, Sarah and Sophia were still huddled together in the bushes, and Claudia was leaping and twirling on the trampled quad.

‘Are you okay?’ Mary Kate asked me, brushing off my red VAGINA shirt.

‘What happened?’ I asked. ‘Did I get run over? Did that tuba take me out? Man, those dicks! I hate the marching band! They ran right over me and kept marching! Fascism in action! Now I can sue the school, and that will really piss off Father Hughes!’

Mary Kate looked at me for a long moment.