‘So now guess what?’ she announced. Her eyes were flashing; she was building to a vicious crescendo, ready to deal her final death blow to the trembling crowd. ‘I’m not standing up for you. I’m not even STAYING for you! I don’t give a frozen poop about hockey, so I’m leaving. And you can stay, and you can whisper about me, and you can judge me all you want. But none of you knows, and none of you will EVER know, what I did – or didn’t do – with my VAGINA!!!’

Shock struck the crowd dumb. Even the marching band was quiet. We could hear the sticks scratching and the puck sliding and the skates scraping on the ice, the shouts of the players through their spitty mouthguards, but it was all distant background noise as Mary Kate’s almighty word echoed in the frosty air: VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA … No one dared speak after it.

My best friend had just won the vagina game.

And she followed it up with a really righteous storm-out. Slamming her crutches down, she stalked with single-minded, reckless determination towards the exit. The shocked crowd parted for her like a body-painted Red Sea.

I should have followed her right away, but I was too surprised to move. I just stood there on the bleachers. The whole student section was stunned. Which I guess is why it took us all several minutes to realize that the action on the ice had stopped – the game was on a time-out, and a single player had skated over to us and removed his helmet.

It was the Toothless Beast. His curls were damp with sweat and he held his helmet with the mouthguard dangling.

‘Hey!’ he called up into the bleachers. ‘What’s going on? Is Mary Kate okay?’

The Shirtless T called back, ‘She wasn’t standing up, Beast!’

Man, his scoliosis had really made him bitter.

‘She has a broken ankle!’ Dom called back. ‘She should sit down.’

‘If you sit down, you let the team down!’

The other dudes around him cheered in agreement, but went silent when the Toothless Beast opened his mouth to speak.

‘Ya know,’ he said, ‘I know you guys have a lot of traditions here, but I don’t think we need to sweat all that standing-up and sitting-down stuff. I mean, now that I’m here … and you don’t suck at hockey anymore.’

‘Oh shit!’ the shirtless dudes called out. But they loved it. They were laughing and cheering, and down on the ice Dom was grinning a little shyly, flashing his gums. He started to put his helmet back on, but then paused.

‘Oh, and by the way, nothing happened between me and Mary Kate. I’m gay. So … I hope that’s cool with everyone.’

Tugging the cage of his helmet down, he skated back to the game.