‘No, Alex!’ she snapped impatiently. ‘That was Biology Bobby. That was freshman year! This is my current class crush.’

‘Sorry, sorry!’ I held up my hands to excuse myself. ‘I haven’t been studying my flashcards. Which one is he?’

Any other girl would have told me he was the one in the blue button-down and khaki shorts. Instead, this was Mary Kate and, when Mary Kate lusts after someone, she becomes oddly specific.

‘Five foot eleven, cinnamon-brown hair parted on the left, two feet to the right of the tortilla chips, between that senior James with the rosacea and the ginger who burped in your face on the bus back from the sophomore laser-tag trip.’

‘Ahhh,’ I sighed. ‘Another magical St Mary’s social event. All right – c’mon, let’s go say hi to him.’

I started to cross the dance floor towards Theology John (okay, let’s get real, the bowl of tortilla chips) when Mary Kate grabbed my hand. She looked horrified.

‘Say hi to him?’ she squeaked.

‘Well, I thought that would be a good first step. But, if you’d rather pinch his ass, by all means go ahead, girlfriend. Way more original.’

She ignored that. ‘Alex, you NEVER say hi to a guy first!’

‘Says who?’

‘I just read this book on caveman psychology that says women shouldn’t make the first move.’

‘You’re taking dating advice from Neanderthals now?’

‘It’s biology! Men are genetically programmed to hunt, to chase. As long as we don’t approach them, they’ll run after us.’

Where does she get this stuff? Is she secretly swapping seduction tips with the chain-smoking housewives from Mad Men under beauty-shop hairdryers? Personally, I think this whole idea that people should stick to archaic, stereotypical gender roles is bullshit.

‘Okay, how about this? We don’t say hi, but we DO stand near him.’

And the tortilla chips and Dr Pepper.

Mary Kate carefully weighed her decision. Finally, she agreed. ‘I mean, how can he know he has to chase me if he doesn’t even see me? But we’re just gonna stand near him. We are NOT making the first move.’