‘Ms Reagan. Ms Heck.’ Sister Hellda poked her giant hawk-like nose into our room. She glared around, taking in me, panting on the bunk-bed ladder and nonchalantly flicking a hot pink bra off my shoulder, and Mary Kate, breathless in her bathrobe. I could sense the pulsating, sublimated rage beneath her wimple.

‘Did I or did I not hear loud music from this room? I must have been mistaken because you are both juniors, and must therefore know we have quiet hours in the dorm after dinner on school nights.’

‘Oh yeah, sorry about that, Sister Hilda,’ I said, hopping down from the ladder. ‘I forgot to put my headphones in. You know how I love that Christian rock!’

Mary Kate rolled her eyes at me behind the door.

Sister Hellda sniffed. ‘Please do not forget again.’ Then, with a final scan around the room to make sure there wasn’t a condom, crack pipe or unattended curling iron in sight, she said, ‘I will see you in fifty minutes for bedchecks.’

‘See you then, Sister Hilda!’ we chorused sweetly. Before she’d pulled the door even halfway shut, I was flipping her the bird.

4

As always, Sister Hellda had sucked all the fun out of the room. Mary Kate’s mood definitely changed for the worse. I was the kind of kid who used to stick Play-Doh up my nose, so I clearly don’t give a crap, but Mary Kate hates getting in trouble.

‘I seriously don’t understand you,’ she said. ‘We’ve been back at school three days and you’ve already broken curfew, gone to the principal’s office and had your dad fly out here to yell at you.’

‘It has been a busy few days.’

‘Do you realize what’s gonna happen if you get in trouble again?’ she demanded. ‘You’re gonna get kicked out! Expelled. Sent home. Excommunicated.’

‘I see that vocab app is really working for you.’

Mary Kate was squinting at me fiercely. Then the realization dawned on her and, when it did, she let out a high-pitched squeak of shock.

‘You’re trying to get kicked out!’

I shrugged.

‘What are you THINKING?’ she burst out. ‘If you get expelled, that’s on your PERMANENT RECORD! That’s really serious, Alex! You might not get into college!’

‘I failed physics last year so I’m not getting into a real college anyway,’ I told her. ‘I’ll probably end up in a nudist commune somewhere picking organic corn.’

‘What about your parents? They’ll be furious!’

‘Believe me, my parents could not give less of a crap.’

‘What about ME? If you get kicked out, who am I supposed to room with? They’re gonna stick me with that Banjos For Jesus girl on the fourth floor, I know it. Or the Rowers! Oh my God, Alex, I’m gonna have to room with the Rowers!’