The vagina game hadn’t fazed me. The hockey players should have given up, but they didn’t. They tried a new tactic. The Ginger Viking began rubbing his big belly and groaning. ‘Ughhhh! I have the worst cramps right now.’

The Douchey Prom Blond joined in. He was rubbing his stomach and groaning, too. ‘I feel like I’m gonna have a really heavy flow this month.’

‘Heavy flow!’ the Ginger Viking repeated, and all three of them sniggered.

‘You know, ladies,’ the Shaggy One stage-whispered behind me, making sure I could hear, ‘I’ve had PMS this week, too. Do you think our cycles are synched up?’

‘OUR CYCLES ARE SYNCHED UP!’ the Ginger Viking hooted, and all three of them cracked up like it was the funniest thing they had ever heard.

That’s it! I couldn’t take it anymore. The second the cashier swiped my card, I snatched my tampons and whirled around.

‘Sorry, I couldn’t help overhearing you guys,’ I said in a fake-friendly voice. ‘You have your periods this week?’

The hockey players were smirking at each other. Other people in the school store stopped what they were doing, sensing something was about to go down. Mary Kate, blushing bright red from her bangs to her collar, was staring fixedly at the Hint of Lime chips.

‘So,’ I continued cheerfully, ‘I guess you need some tampons, right? Here, allow me!’

I tore the top off the neon box, turned it upside down and dumped the entire thing over the shaggy hockey player’s head. Bright pink tampons rained down on him. When the box was empty, I shoved it in his chest, said brightly, ‘You’re welcome!’ and walked out.

Silence. There was no standing ovation – no burst of applause like I deserved. Then behind me I heard a hockey player muttering, ‘Dude …’ followed by the crinkle of plastic wrappers as people stepped on tampons, and lastly Mary Kate stepping up to the cashier and saying in her pipsqueak voice: ‘Just these chips, please …’

But I was proud. I had made a statement. And this single shining moment of Revolutionary Tampon Frankness had inspired me. If I was trapped in the frozen fortress of celibacy and ignorance that was St Mary’s Catholic School, I was gonna melt it down. I didn’t know exactly how, but I was going to do something – and it was going to get me expelled. As God was my witness …

But first I was going to the dorm mailroom to check for a package from Mary Kate’s mom. Because I seriously did need tampons.

6

‘It may be the first day of school, but we have less than two hundred and sixty days until your Advanced Placement United States history exam. So, if you are not prepared to be dedicated, diligent and determined in your studies, please consider transferring to a less exigent course.’