‘Or we could do a big letter V with blank spaces after it,’ said Robbie Schmidt.

‘It’s The Vagina Monologues!’ I practically yelled. ‘Not friggin’ Sudoku!’

Mary Kate peeped up like one of the little mice in Cinderella. ‘Maybe we should just have a bake sale instead?’

This wasn’t going the way I wanted. If the play wasn’t as offensive and outrageous as possible to Father Hughes, I’d never get expelled.

I would add in a kickline of dancing vaginas if I had to.

‘Look –’ I tried to stay calm, resting both my palms on the table – ‘this is a really important project. I believe in it, and I want you to believe in it, too. This is something I really care about. Seriously. I know I usually don’t give a shit about anything – like the dress code, or the school rulebook –’

‘Or your grades,’ Claudia added helpfully.

I glared at her. ‘But I think if we all work together we can make this happen.’

‘Um, Alex?’ Mary Kate raised her hand out of habit. ‘Aren’t you forgetting something? If you want to put on an official school event, you need permission from Father Hughes.’

‘Psh, we don’t need him,’ I said. ‘We have Sister Georgina here! Sister Georgina!’

A whistling snore emanated from the dark corner of the room. It was pretty cozy back there by the furnace; no wonder Sister Georgina was fast asleep. I crumpled a piece of paper and got ready to lob it at her wimple, but Mary Kate grabbed my arm.

‘SISTER GEORGINA!’ I called louder, and she started awake. ‘CAN YOU APPROVE A SCHOOL EVENT FOR US?’

Sister Georgina, in a rare and unfortunately timed moment of lucidity, recited solemnly: ‘Father Hughes has to personally approve all official school events.’

I groaned. Great. Sister Georgina’s hearing aids had sure picked a great time to kick in. And the friggin’ Catholic Church hierarchy – always a man at the top!

‘Fine,’ I said, boldly taking up the challenge. ‘I’ll go ask Father Hughes for permission.’

‘You?’ Claudia looked up from her phone. ‘Doesn’t Father Hughes hate you? After that whole freaky incident with the Harry Styles cut-out and Father Callahan’s dog. I heard they found you wearing the leash.’

‘You’re conflating two separate incidents,’ I told her loftily.

As soon as the meeting ended, Mary Kate cornered me with her mini stapler.

‘What exactly do you think you’re doing?’ she demanded.

‘What?’ I asked innocently.

‘You know what,’ she hissed. ‘This whole project! This whole … Monologues thing!’

‘It’s like I said in the meeting! I’m trying to open up a dialogue that will improve our campus community, better gender relations …’

‘Yeah, right!’ Mary Kate wasn’t buying it. She was all up in my grill, and now both of us were well aware I’d forgotten to put on deodorant.