But I was reassured. ‘Right!’ I agreed, nodding rapidly. I was too relieved and tense to notice that Mary Kate had called the Toothless Beast ‘Dom’. Doing my best to self-soothe, I kept repeating, ‘Simple! In the window, out the window, simple!’ The guys would be gone in no time, and no one would ever know they’d been in here.

The plan was in motion. Toothless Beast was climbing onto my desk. Pat was lined up behind him, ready to shove him forcefully into the snow should a Winnie situation occur. The Toothless Beast was yanking open the frozen window. Wide open. Escape. Freedom. He was about to climb out when …

Sister Hellda appeared on the quad in her winter coat, leading a long parade of girls with parkas thrown on over their pajamas through the snow. The line came to a halt right smack in front of our window.

‘Everyone, line up right here! Young ladies, form a line in front of this window!’

They formed a line. A human wall of snowy coats blocking our escape.

The Toothless Beast slammed down the window immediately.

Mary Kate said, clearly and distinctly, ‘Shit.’

I groaned, squatting (which made my wedgie a billion times worse) in the Pepsi spill. ‘Seriously? As soon as I decide I don’t want to get in trouble, I end up in THIS friggin’ situation? Irony, I hate you and Alanis Morissette. We’re doomed!’

‘We’re not doomed!’ Mary Kate snapped. ‘We just need to think. We’re four smart people – I mean, sure, Dom’s had a few concussions, but I’m sure we can come up with an idea. How do we get Pat and Dom outside without anyone noticing them?’

Fuck Harry Potter, because my first thought was, Invisibility cloak. I’m telling you, I’m not great in a crisis.

‘We need them to blend in.’ My room-mate was talking rapidly and gesturing with her hands, like she was playing charades and there were five seconds left. ‘We need them undercover. In disguise. Ooh, I’ve got it! We’ll dress them up!’

‘Yeah, why not?’ I said sarcastically. ‘Pat will get on Dominic’s shoulders and we’ll throw on my trench coat and that straw fedora you thought you could pull off.’

‘No,’ Mary Kate said impatiently. ‘We’ll dress them up like GIRLS! We’re not supposed to have boys in the dorm, so we’ll dress them up like GIRLS! We’ll dress them up in our clothes!’

Thrilled by her own creativity, she hopped over to her dresser and started yanking clothes from the hangers.