My soon-to-be in-laws hosted an engagement party at their home over the holidays in honor of my fiancé and me. It was festive and well attended. Everyone seemed to be genuinely happy for us, but here’s the problem: no gifts. Not one gift. Now we are putting together our guest list and my future mother-in-law wants to include some of the engagement party attendees at the wedding. I told my fiancé I don’t want a bunch of freeloaders taking advantage of us again. He’s afraid to tell his mother the real reason we’ve limited her guests. What’s the best way to inform her?

Thanks, Chicago Suzee

My dear Chicago Suzee,

Your self-righteousness is . . . what? Courageous? No, it’s deplorable!

An engagement party is a small gift-free celebration for a happy couple to acknowledge their commitment to each other and the institution of marriage. It can be hosted by either side of the engaged couple’s families. Or, in cases of deficient real estate on the parts of the parents, dear friends. It’s a glass of champagne, a toast, and best wishes for the future. Plus, for pure fun, it’s a chance for family friends to check out the Bride or Groom.

It’s not supermarket sweeps or a lottery payout. Not every event in the wedding cinematic universe is a gift-collecting situation. Even your actual wedding.

Someday, when you are less young and less self-righteous, you’ll understand the joy of simply being included in life’s lovely moments. You’ll understand what being a witness to love means and the importance of those witnesses in the tapestry that is your life. Honestly, to use a haggard phrase that is one hundred percent on-target in this instance, their presence is your present.

Dear Aunt B,

My boyfriend and I became engaged two months ago. We’ve really enjoyed how happy everyone is for us. Buying us drinks! Treating us to dinner! Sending small gifts. We were in no rush, but now we’re really in no rush. Is two years too long for an engagement? We’d like to enjoy this outpouring for a while longer.

Patient Pamela

Dear Pamela . . .

Kudos to you for discovering the spontaneous benefits of betrothal. Celebrating love is contagious. That said, unless there is a military deployment or medical reason for a long engagement, I encourage you to speed up your timeline. Those same people who toast your happiness now will get bored and cynical if you don’t fulfill the promise of your engagement within a year, eighteen months at the outside. Momentum is meaningful in matrimony. Keep the ball rolling by picking a date and sharing news as you have it. The good news for you is that you clearly have a tremendous circle of support. Every couple needs that. Don’t make them wait too long for the vows.

Big Kiss & Wedding Bliss,

Your Aunt B

Chapter 13
The Engagement Party

The Mother of the Groom