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Back A Train to Moscow: A Novel Save as PDF
Chapters (59)
  1. TITLE PAGE
  2. COPYRIGHT PAGE
  3. DEDICATION
  4. CONTENTS
  5. ACT 1 IVANOVO
  6. 1
  7. 2
  8. 3
  9. 4
  10. 5
  11. 6
  12. 7
  13. 8
  14. 9
  15. 10
  16. 11
  17. 12
  18. 13
  19. 14
  20. 15
  21. 16
  22. 17
  23. ACT 2 MOSCOW
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. ACT 3 LENINGRAD
  35. 28
  36. 29
  37. 30
  38. 31
  39. 32
  40. 33
  41. 34
  42. 35
  43. 36
  44. 37
  45. ACT 4 IVANOVO-LENINGRAD
  46. 38
  47. 39
  48. 40
  49. 41
  50. 42
  51. 43
  52. 44
  53. 45
  54. 46
  55. 47
  56. 48
  57. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  58. DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
  59. ABOUT THE AUTHOR

But all these deaths had no lives attached to them. Sasha didn’t know them when they walked to work, or waited in lines, or stood with a fishing rod by the river. She only knew them dead. Marik is the first person who stopped existing right in front of her eyes. The person who told her she was good at acting, who made her smile. For fourteen years, they played the same games; for ten years, they read the same books; for eight years, they went to the same school and practiced the same piano pieces. And only a day before that Sunday, behind their shed, did he take Sasha’s hand in his, in a different way than they’d held hands before. She tensed the moment his fingers met hers. His touch was clammy and shaky, and there were drops of sweat on his forehead despite the cold outside. For a few seconds, he held her hand as if trying to decide what to do with it; then he took a breath and asked if he could kiss her.

And now Sasha wishes she’d said yes.

12

12

How do people fall in love, one of Turgenev’s characters asks in A Nest of Nobles, which they are reading at school. The moral conflict of Turgenev’s novel is between personal happiness and duty, says her teacher. A year has passed since Marik’s death, a long year full of struggle between personal happiness and duty inside her. The teacher, a chinless woman with graying hair and a squirrel face, is lecturing about lishnie lyudi, or useless people. There is a whole gallery of such people in Russian literature. Today it is Turgenev’s Lavretsky, who failed to challenge the serf-owning nobility because he couldn’t find enough willpower to tear himself away from the spoiled society that produced him. Must Sasha make a choice between her own personal happiness and duty, between Andrei and Marik’s memory?

Sasha imagines herself as Lisa and Andrei as Lavretsky. It is nighttime, and they are in the orchard—all classical Russian novels have an orchard as vast and dense as a forest—and Andrei is kneeling at her feet. Her shoulders begin to twitch, and the fingers of her pale hands press even closer to her face. Andrei, of course, understands what these twitching shoulders and tears mean. “Is it possible that you love me?” he whispers. “I am frightened,” she says, looking at him with moist eyes. “I love you,” he says. “I’m ready to give up my life for you.” She trembles and lowers her eyes; he quietly stands and pulls her toward him, and her head falls on his shoulder. He moves his head away and kisses her pale lips.

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