This is the hope.

The Brontë sisters

Em, Chazza, and Anne. They lived in Haworth in Yorkshire in … er … well, a while ago. And they wrote Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre, and loads of other stuff about terrible weather conditions and moaning. But in a good way.

corkers

Another word for girls’ jiggly bits.

Also known as norkers.

Honkers, etc.

Cousin Georgia calls them “nunga-nungas.”

She says because when you pull them out like an elastic band, they go nunga-nunga-nunga.

I will be the last to know whether this is true or not.

corker holders

Something to hold the corkers pert and not too jiggly.

A bra.

Mr. Darcy (and Mrs. Rochester)

Two characters well known for their sense of fun. Not.

Mr. Darcy was in Pride and Prejudice and at first he was all snooty and huffy; then he fell in a lake and came out with his shirt all wet. And then we all loved him. In a swoony way.

Mrs. Rochester was Mr. Rochester’s secret wife in Jane Eyre that he kept in a cupboard upstairs. She was mad as a snake and would only wear her nightie.

In the end it all finished happily because she set fire to the house, went up on the roof for a bit of a dance about, and tripped over her nightie and fell to her death.

Leaving Mr. Rochester blind.

This is one of Em, Chazza, and Anne’s more comic novels.

gogglers

Eyes.

To goggle is to look at stuff.

If you couldn’t see anything then you would need gogs.

golden slippers of applause

Sidone, the revered and possibly mentally unstable principal of Dother Hall, has her own unique view of the world.

Especially the showbiz world.

In this world she is obsessed by feet.

So her opposite of the “golden slippers of applause” is “the bleeding feet of rejection.”

Heathcliff

The “hero” of Wuthering Heights. Although no one knows why.

He’s mean, moody, and possibly a bit on the pongy side.

Cathy loves him, though. She shows this by viciously rejecting him and marrying someone else for a laugh. Still, that is true love on the moors for you.

heavens to Betsy

An expression of astonishment like …

“Gosh!”

Or, “Crikey!”

Or, as they say in Yorkshire:

“Well, I’ll go to the top of our stairs!”

I know it makes little sense but believe me it’s best not to argue about these things with Yorkshire folk. Or they will very likely get a cob on.

hiddly diddly diddly

The sound of all Irish songs (and dances). It fits them all.

Try it.

human glue

Aaaaah, this is the mysterious thing that happens when two people kiss and there is a sort of “uuuummphhh” moment because they both like it so much. And after that, it’s like they have magnetic lips that glue themselves to each other.

I thought that Cousin Georgia had told me about it but actually I think I made it up.

Which probably makes me a genius.