At the end, we had a massive Irish donkey dancing competition which I won.

As I was limping off, Blaise said, “Tallulah, as I may have mentioned before—watching you perform is like watching someone setting fire to their own pants. It’s quite remarkable. So here’s my plan—you’re going to do a solo extravaganza. An Irish donkey ‘enchantment’ dance. It might not save the college but it will make me laugh!”

Oh God.

Back in the common room, I said to Flossie, “You’re not really going to meet Seth tonight, are you?”

She said, “You bet your bottom dollar, Miss Lullabelle. Seth Hinchcliff is mine for the taking.”

Vaisey said, “What will you do with him, Flossie?”

Flossie said, “What won’t I do with him, Miss Vaisey?”

Vaisey went red.

I went red because I remembered what I had done with Cain. What if he’d told Seth? What if Seth knew? What if Seth told Flossie?

After last bell went, I told the Tree Sisters I was so cold I had to go home to warm up my bottom. The thought of accidentally bumping into Seth made me feel sick.

I walked home quickly through the dark woods.

As I got to the village I saw a group of the village girls coming out of the shop—Eccles was with them. I had to walk past them to get home and they crossed their arms and stared at me.

Then Beverley came out of the shop. She looks like she has been crying for the last year. She pointed her finger at me and said, “Don’t think I dun’t know about thee, lady.”

And they all lumbered off.

How could she know?

In my squirrel room, I got my diary down. There was Labradad, there was “Daughter of Fang,” poems to Alex the Good, there was “The Girl with Green Eyes” and there was “I have always wanted Alex the Good but I have accidentally snogged Cain the Bad.”

I can cross it out in my diary, but I can’t cross it out from my lips.

I am a Cain kisser.

The fall of Dother Hall

SIDONE WAS LEAVING IN Monty’s sidecar when I got to Dother Hall next morning. Monty was on his motorbike in goggles and helmet, and Sidone had dark glasses and a headscarf on.

She shouted and waved as they rode away, “Off to London, girls, my girls, the city of dreams. Let us hope my charms will work and I can create magic for our theater of dreams. Wish me luck, my girls, my dear, dear girls!!!”

Sidone has gone to see some of her old theatrical mates to ask if they can do anything to save the school.

I said to Vaisey, “They’d better hurry up, I’ve just gone to the loo and the loo door fell off in my hand.”

Vaisey said, “Flossie’s got a love bite on her neck.”

I said, “From Seth? That’s, that’s …”

Flossie was nodding and showed me her neck.