“So there’s another rumor I’ve heard,” she said as she tucked away the photos of her three daughters. Instantly I panicked. Had Casey already leaked the story? “Word on the street says you’ve become a Christian.”

This took me by surprise. Penelope was the only one who’d brought it up; I’d mentioned it to Alannah, but Casey hadn’t given me the time. The stress was back, and I braced myself for a barrage of insults. “Yeah, I am. Grace is, too; she’s the one who led me to God.”

She smiled. “I could tell something was different the minute you walked in. I am too.”

I nearly laughed. “Seriously? How did that happen?”

She related her story of her husband working six months ago with a guy named Jesse North. Jesse had been one of the crowd that had attended our house meetings. Jesse and Penelope’s husband, Craig, had hit it off, and one thing led to another. I told her about Jesse’s connection with us, and she cracked up. “Small world!”

The conversation faded for a moment, and then Penelope sat back in her chair and seemed to assess me with a small, guarded smile. “So I’m guessing there was some reason other than reminiscing that caused you to call me.”

I took a deep breath. “Yeah, actually, there is.”

“Not so good, eh?”

I let out a sigh and shook my head.

“Well, I’ve been bracing myself for two weeks now, so lay it on me before I crack from the suspense.”

Telling her was almost worse now that I knew she was a Christian. Remembering my sordid past was not something I enjoyed doing, and to remind someone else of their sordid past, when they were probably trying just as hard as I to forget it, was more painful than I’d expected.

I closed my eyes, not able to bear looking at her when I said it, and in as low a voice as I could get away with, told her, “I have HIV.” I slowly opened my eyes, and I think actually flinched, although you’d have to ask her to be sure; it certainly felt like it.

She didn’t speak, didn’t yell, just stared at me with a look of disbelief. A soft, “Ohhh” escaped her lips as the implications sank in, and tears formed in her eyes. She bowed her eyes, brushing tears from her cheeks as she murmured, “Oh God,” over and over.

My heart ached, and I said the only thing I could think to say, as meaningless as it seemed. “I’m sorry, Pen. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry”

She sniffed and raised her head, looking me in the eyes. “I just can’t believe it.”

“Me neither. Believe me.”

“Dianne, right?”

I nodded.