IT WASN’T EXACTLY how I’d hoped things would work, but now that Grace was asleep on the couch, it was a mercy. I realized I hadn’t thought at all about what to say to her.

I carried her back to her bed, piling on the blankets and pulling the shade to block the glare from the streetlight outside her window. Her cat emerged from beneath the bed and leapt to the top, curving herself around Grace’s head and purring.

I shut the door and returned to the living room, where I sat on the sofa and stared out the window. It had been six months since I’d been in this room, and the emotions of that day were still vivid. I could see her face, serene as she delivered the verbal blow that almost literally knocked the wind out of me. Being on this side of things made it easier for me to imagine how difficult that conversation must have been for her; at the time I’d been too selfish to respect her strength of character. But a lot had happened in those six months. I hoped she’d give me another chance.

One evening in early July I called Greg and left him a message asking him to call me before I left for Ireland. What he’d said before had intrigued me, but I’d been working hard to convince myself that it was myth, and yet every turn brought me face-to-face with what Grace would have called a “glimpse of God.” I felt like I was being stalked by Him. I needed to turn and face Him and figure out what it was He wanted from me so I could get on with my life.

When Greg called, our conversation turned quickly into a onesided diatribe—by me. He listened with incredible patience and never once tried to counter my lame arguments. After a lengthy monologue I concluded that I’d made a mistake in calling him, I was sorry to have wasted his time, and it was obvious to me that the whole thing was a well-written farce. My arrogance swelled my head momentarily, and for a second I thought I’d hit upon clarity for the first time. And then, with a simple question, Greg muddied my waters again.

“How confident are you in your beliefs, Jack?”

I asserted boldly, albeit untruthfully, that I was just as confident in them as he was in his. Even as the words came out of my mouth, I knew they weren’t true, and a part of me begged him to give up and go away so I could stay safely in my cocoon of self-imposed ignorance.

“Would you consider yourself an intelligent man?”

The question was asked without challenge or condescension. I answered that yes, I would, but what did that have to do with God?