I’d been to Bishopsdean Magistrates’ Court before several times, as an advocate for women who were finally prosecuting their abusive husbands. Today I hadn’t known what to wear, in the end going for my funeral dress, black and sober but with a tailored waist that made me look slim. Cassie threw me a contemptuous glance as she hurled herself into the car, fastening her seatbelt. ‘Why are you all dressed up? No one’s going to be looking at you.’

I didn’t answer that. I didn’t even know why I was going. To support my husband – meaning I believed him, I stood by him? Or to bear witness for an abused woman, my best friend? My lying best friend. My cheating husband. It was crazy to think I hadn’t spoken to Karen since it happened. The police had said not to contact her, that it could be construed as harassment even. My fingers itched to message her. I didn’t know what I’d say, though. God Kar are you alright or Fucking hell Karen how could you. Or both. Cassie herself was wearing jeans and a jacket. I was glad it was cooler now. I’d been on the verge of saying something to her about the skimpiness of her outfits, and then it really would all blow up.

Bill had stayed the night, moving to the spare room so Benji could have his back. He didn’t come to court and I didn’t ask him to. Two friends, facing each other across a courtroom. It was hard. I wished I didn’t have to go myself, but I got into the car too and started following the morning traffic down into town.

We’d moved to Bishopsdean when Benji was on his way, after five years of raising Cassie in a flat in Stoke Newington. On rainy days she’d press her face to the window, woebegone, and when she finally got out it took all my strength to stop her darting into the road, twitching with excess energy. Mike was always at work then, coming home at midnight, one, two, three in the morning, or sometimes not at all. Karen asked me once – and that was yet another memory that now stuck in me like a barb – did I ever worry about him. You know. All those women at the office. But honestly, I never had. I knew he was too exhausted to even think about doing anything.