‘But why do I have to?’

My last nerve was snapping. ‘Because, Benji, you’re too young to be at court, and I’m not having you miss school. Get your uniform on.’

It was Monday morning and he was standing in front of me in his Star Wars pyjamas, hair sticking up, furious. ‘But Cassie’s going! It’s not fair.’

I didn’t know how to explain to him that I didn’t think I could stop Cassie if I tried. She was starting to scare me, the way I felt the connection between us strain with every day. ‘Cassie’s older. Plus, her school’s almost stopped for exams already.’ I couldn’t have him there. I didn’t know what was going to be said about his dad. Or about me.

Cassie had insisted on going. She had been texting Jake, as I suspected, but he still wouldn’t answer any of her messages, and she was frantic trying to contact him. ‘He’s never done this, Mum. He’s not like other boys. He always answers.’

Cassie and Jake. I’d always wondered, of course, over the years. They were so close, those two. Would that spill over into kissing, touching? Karen and I had never said it, but it was something neither of us wanted. It was possible to be too close for love.

‘Cass, did . . . when you were out in the garden that night, was that anything to do with Jake?’

He’d been in the garage, waiting for Karen to stop drinking and go to bed. Maybe Cassie was on her way to see him.

She just gave me a look. ‘Mum. Jake and I are friends. Why can’t you understand that?’

I’d thought Karen and Mike were just friends. And now look. ‘But what were you doing out there? Please, darling. I need to know. Did you tell the police?’

She turned her back to me, brushing her long hair in the mirror. Her eyes met mine in the glass, hostile. ‘You really want to get into this now?’

She had me there – we had to leave for court in a few minutes, and I still needed to get Benji ready. Bill was going to drop him off at school, using Mike’s car. Already he was making things easier. ‘I don’t think you should be texting Jake, with everything that’s going on. And you’ll have to tell me sometime, Cassie.’

Her silence said: Oh, will I? And did I really want to know? We always think we want to know secrets, but what we forget is that they come with their own weights, heavy as millstones, and if you aren’t careful this weight can crush you.