“Hey.” Meredith wrapped her arms around Jax’s neck and drew her into a sweet kiss. She felt it in her gut when Meredith pulled back and looked into her eyes. She knew what was coming and was too slow to stop it.

“I love you, Jax.”

Jax opened her mouth, wanting nothing more than to speak the words but knowing deep in her heart they weren’t true. They would never be true. “I’m sorry.”

Meredith cradled Jax’s cheek. “Please stop apologizing. You don’t have to say it back. I just needed you to know how I feel. When you’re ready to say it, I’ll be here.”

She shook her head and wished she could lie, but Meredith deserved so much more than a lie and a brush-off. Meredith deserved so much more than Jax could ever be for her. “I can’t—I won’t.” She cleared her throat and grabbed both of Meredith’s hands. She held them to her chest. “I’m sorry because I’ve been very selfish and unfair to you.”

“You’ve been dealing with something unimaginable. But soon enough we’ll be back to normal, and we can focus on us.”

She took a deep breath through her nose and looked away from Meredith’s innocent, hopeful face. Why did Meredith have to say the exact words she wanted to hear from Gretchen? Words she still wanted to hear in spite of everything.

“I wish I could go back,” Jax said. “I’d fight more, and maybe I could avoid hurting you.” Jax didn’t fight when Meredith pulled away. She looked Meredith in the eye, knowing she owed her at least that respect. “I’m sorry because I think I’ve always known I’ll never love someone the way I love my wife.”

Meredith pulled the robe tightly around her, covering as much exposed skin as she could. “Your ex-wife.”

“I really am so—”

“Save it. I don’t need your apologies,” Meredith said as she paced. “Just tell me how. Gretchen did nothing to save your marriage, and you hated her up until last week.”

She had no way of explaining herself. “Gretchen’s my family, her and Caleb are my world.”

“I remember envying her so much. She had this sexy, gorgeous, sensitive artist following her around like a puppy dog, and the love and admiration you have for her made me weak. But she broke you down and stole your spark.”

“We both made mistakes. I expected so much from her without ever really telling her what I needed. I eventually shut down and shut her out. I was just as hurtful, but in a less obvious way.”

“Do you really think this changed her?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know about changing, but I do think it’s given us a second chance.”

Meredith smiled sadly as tears ran down her cheek. “I gotta admit, I did not see this coming.”