She lay in bed that night and stared at the ceiling. She considered calling Meredith for a distraction, but the last thing she needed was the added guilt of using the one good thing in her life. No, she would force herself to sleep. But when she tried, she started to think about how she was going to explain Gretchen’s memory loss to Caleb. How would their four-year-old, no matter how brilliant, understand his own mother didn’t remember most of his life? He was already traumatized by Gretchen’s outburst. Gretchen might be lying in a hospital bed, but Caleb was the real victim.

She shifted on her side and sighed. Her eyes did not want to close. She picked up her phone from the nightstand and was not at all shocked to see an email response from her boss already. He insisted she show up for their morning meeting. She would’ve broken her phone in half if she could afford a replacement. Instead, she opened a message to Amanda and updated her.

She woke up again and you didn’t tell me?

Jax felt a different kind of guilt then. She grimaced at the bright screen. I’m sorry. She sent the message but knew it was inadequate. Visiting hours were almost done and we sat together for a bit. Her speech isn’t good, but the doc didn’t seem overly concerned. Her memories are still gone. Jax reread her message and knew it was a small lie. She’d never forget the look on Dr. Melendez’s face when she asked Gretchen if she could talk.

I’ll get there first thing in the morning and bring her some food.

I don’t really know what she’s allowed to eat.

She has to eat. Jax could hear Amanda’s stern tone in her head clearly. And when she does, it should be something good that she loves.

Jax couldn’t argue with that reasoning. The rest of Gretchen’s life was shit—her food options shouldn’t be. Can I convince you to make a little extra for me?

That’ll depend on whether or not I’m still mad at you when I wake up.

She chuckled. That’s fair. She told Amanda good night and tucked her phone away. She was still wide awake but exhausted. The thought of tomorrow being another day of this nightmare was daunting and something that’d undoubtedly keep her up all night. She pulled her phone out again and started typing. Jax lay back with a smile and ignored the small voice telling her she was wrong for hitting Send.

Chapter Twenty-four

15 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes