There were so many big things happening: Nonny’s baby, Talia’s contest, Mr. Trent Hickman coming … every one of those things; plus, thinking about what Talia was going through seemed like its own Mount Everest. Putting those things together meant that on Christmas night when we were eating our billionth snickerdoodle and deciding which Christmas movie should be our grand finale and I settled onto the couch under my dad’s arm, I never wanted to crawl back out again.

“Dad?” I said. “Is Talia going to be okay? I mean, I know not really, but … do you think there’s still enough Good Pile stuff?”

Dad squeezed me tight. “That bad, hard thing is going to always be there,” he said. “But absolutely the good things are always there, too. Talia’s got at least one especially good thing that I’m aware of.”

Did you know when your dad kisses the top of your head, you can feel the warmth all the way down to your toes?

The Impossible Dream

Somehow it seems strange when things go back to exactly normal after a break. Back to Nonny calling Thomas every night, because he was away again, doing his dangerous job in the Florida Keys. Back to lunches in the library. Back to homework.

Back to planning and editing.

Even Talia was home. I thought I could see the sadness she was carrying in the gray around her eyes, most of all when she tried to smile and wave at me when I came to class. She didn’t talk too much, mostly stared at her pencil. And she worked on her Poetry Out Loud contest harder than ever. She passed me a note one day that said: I’m really sorry I can’t do lunch again today. Gran told me to work as hard as I can and you better believe I’m going to.

When I got the note, I nodded to her. I didn’t know a sign to say, I’m still so sorry about your grandma but I know she’s proud of you and you are going to do awesome in this contest and you do whatever work you need to do, so I gave her a thumbs-up instead.

I got a note from someone new, too. Charise from the Lunch Table Girls passed me a note in the hallway that said she’d tried my mom’s constellation cupcakes. Her note said they were Out of this world delicious! I wrote back thank you with five exclamation points and I knew the note would make my mom smile.

The Out of This World note made me more excited about math than I normally am. I knew people who wore NASA shirts had to be pretty great.

But I still missed Talia. I wanted to show her the note, but I didn’t want to interrupt her focus. She needed to be ready to be a rock star at this poetry contest.

So I went back to going over my master plan, half terrified, half impatient for the day Mr. Hickman would finally show up. Only a couple of weeks to go. Apart from my essay, I had printed-out pages, cut-out pictures, glue sticks, tape, and a bunch of other crafty things spread across my room. I was going to be ready, that was for sure.