I talked the plan over with Cecilia almost every night.

Usually preparing and going over plans makes me feel better. That’s why I like getting my homework done early, because it means I’ve planned and that when I walk in the doors the next day I know for sure I’m prepared.

I’ve tried to know for sure that I’m ready for the big things that are coming, but I’m still scared. Terrified.

Timorous. Another Hard Reading Word.

It means scared.

When Scared/Terrified/Timorous Me comes along she pushes her way in, shoving Regular Happy Me into a corner and sort of taking control of everything. If the two me’s were at a party, Scared Me would be the one who started shouting and screaming and talking as loud as she could every time Regular Happy Me tried to talk.

So after school, I grabbed my stuff from my locker and decided to go talk to someone who never, ever seemed to be afraid.

She was sitting at her desk, looking at papers.

“Ms. Trepky?” I said.

She glanced up and when she saw me, she put her pen down and scooted the pages to the side.

“Ms. Monroe,” she said. “What can I do for you?”

Then I didn’t quite know what to say. I’m not usually scared to talk to people, but when the door has somehow been opened for Scared Me to move in, she kind of grabs the steering wheel and doesn’t let go for a while.

“Well…,” I started. Maybe this really was a stupid idea. Maybe this wasn’t something you talked to your teachers about, and I just didn’t know. Probably everyone would think it was odd if they knew. Maybe even Ms. Trepky would think I was weird and awkward.

Ms. Trepky folded her hands on her lap. She had a smile that wasn’t quite a smile because her mouth only moved a tiny bit, but it was more of an Inside Smile and I knew she wouldn’t think I was embarrassing.

“Do you ever get scared? About doing something?” I said it all at once, fast, so I was sure to get it out.

Then Ms. Trepky looked down at her hands and smiled again, and it wasn’t a You’re So Cute smile, which would have made me want to cry, but a sort of Chuckling at Myself kind of smile.

“Let me tell you a secret,” she said.

I stepped closer.

“Do you know what sound scares me more than any other?”

Scary sound? “Fire alarm?” I said.

“The school bell, first thing in the morning.”

My eyes went big. It was like a tiger admitting she was scared of oinking. “The bell? Why?”

“Because it means it’s time to get up in front of you and start teaching, and let me tell you a secret I think every teacher shares. Nothing is more frightening than teaching.”

“But … but we’re just kids.”

“Exactly. You are our tomorrow, and we don’t want to mess anything up.”