I avert my eyes, don’t want to see inside the pool house where Arthur is already using a long pool net to scoop cups from the water. I can feel his eyes on me as we walk past.

Judgement everywhere I turn – from Arthur, Tracey, even the house seems to be shaking its head at me, the windows in shadow as though it is looking away.

I open the gate and step out onto the path. The wind is strong, the clouds whipping across a bright blue sky, but there is a crispness to the weak sun. Winter around the corner. The wind picks up my hair and thrashes it against my cheeks. I let it. I deserve to be lashed, stung, pelted with rocks and showered in harsh truths.

Tracey is right. I’m trying to punish myself, self-destruct, give my parents a reason why they were right not to want me.

Tracey sits on the bench further along the path, but I wait by the gate, my eyes scanning the distance, watching for Eloise. Tracey hasn’t said anything to me in about half an hour. She has just chewed on her fingernails, her face like a mask, her arms clasped tightly around herself.

Then Eloise is wheeling her bike through the gate, her hair tied in a low ponytail. She pulls up close to me, her cheeks flushed but there are shadows under her eyes, divulging her hangover. “What the fuck is she doing here?”

“She’s… I…” I don’t know what lie to tell now, but she doesn’t wait for one. She drops her bike and stalks over to Tracey, her shoulders back, her mouth loaded.

“There’s the lesbian slag herself. Not flashing your tits to everyone today? I have some lovely photos of you, by the way. Some very revealing stuff. I’m sure everyone at school will love to see them.”

“Where are the photos?” Tracey’s voice is a rumble, like the low growl of a big dog.

“They’re safe, don’t worry. I’m thinking of making a pretty collage ready for school tomorrow.”

Tracey turns on me. “I thought you said she would bring them?”

I recoil from the acid in her words. “I asked her to!”

“What’s the matter, Tracey? Worried your pathetic, uninspiring parents will see them? See what you’ve been getting up to with your girlfriend?”

Tracey launches at her and grabs her by the coat, spins her around. I have a horrible feeling she is going to hit Eloise. Her hands are fists, her teeth clenched. But she lets go of her.