No, I don’t want to talk about it with her. She won’t understand. I think I know what her opinion will be: that I should analyse my feelings, discuss how I can process it. She’ll probably suggest that I talk to my parents, discuss the implications, the rumbling after-shocks. But I don’t want to. I want her to hug me, hold me, not try and bolster me, safe as she is in the knowledge that she is loved.

I don’t want this to define me. I want to forget about it, at least while my parents are on the other side of the world and I don’t have to face up to it yet. I want to pretend I don’t know about the letters, maybe even pretend that my parents actually love me, are missing me. I want to think about something trivial and petty. I would rather call Eloise and talk about inanities, like the party, what she is wearing, what I should wear, whether Brian will make his move on her.

That calms me and my hand is steady as I grab the phone and dial Eloise’s number.

Her housekeeper answers and it takes a moment before the extension is picked up and I hear her honeyed voice, “Hey, Hels. I’m still in bed, it’s a bit early, isn’t it?”

“Sorry El, my parents have just been on the phone and woke me up – they’ve just arrived at their hotel and didn’t realise the time difference, I guess. They were missing me already, so called to check in, make sure everything is ok.” The words are rattling out of me.

El yawns down the phone in response, so I gabble on some more.

“So yeah, I guess they’re worrying about me since they’ve never left me on my own before. Ha, it’s been one night and they’re already on the phone. Can you believe it? Well, Martha is here, of course, to look after me, but still, they worry.”

“God, I wish my parents would bugger off and leave me here alone.”

“Anyway, I told them I was fine and they said they would probably call me every day to check in. So you know those pills you’ve been taking to lose weight? Have they worked?”

“Yeah, I’ve lost two pounds this week, but they’re laxatives, so you end up in the toilet quite a lot. A few cramps, but I think it’s worth it as it means you can eat and still lose weight. Why? You decided you still need to lose a few pounds before Saturday? It can’t hurt, can it? You can never be too rich or too thin, as they say. And you do have that round stomach of yours, like you’ve swallowed a beach ball some days. Just telling it like it is, babes, because you’re my best friend.”