The rescue team called the coroner. Radio stations cut into Rush and Nickleback to report the death of a woman at Kakabeka Falls. No one was making a joke of it yet, but they would – it’s natural selection, they said, modern-day Darwinism, where the stupid will fail to survive. But in the end it was Kate who had the last laugh – Kate with her two broken ribs, a fractured pelvis, two chipped front teeth, a ripped-off pinky nail, and a severe concussion. The barrel, the reports said, was actually what saved her life – hitting the rock face directly on one of the steel rings, which kept it from shattering, then trapping her in an air bubble when it flipped over, which saved her from drowning. No one could figure out how she didn’t get pulled down into the whirlpool. A one-in-a-million chance. Survival of the blind-luckiest. The giant pain in Darwin’s ass, smiling meekly on the homepage of the local news site, waving a trembling hand to the camera from the back of an ambulance before slipping into a coma on her way to the hospital.

“I’m not going home,” Finn said to Max, who just stared at her. “I’m not.”

Max spun around once and thumped down on the floor with a sigh, resting his chin on his paws.

She knew Max was right. If she didn’t go home now, she would never be able to go home again.

—

The stars are still out when Finn goes back inside and pours herself another glass of wine. She can hear Unremarkable Man in the bathroom, coughing – probably throwing up. She hopes that he will just leave, maybe sneak out the back door so she doesn’t ever have to talk to him again. Against her better judgment, she turns on the television, and as if she were the punchline of some great cosmic joke, the screen resolves into a photo of her mother. Finn immediately recognizes it as one taken at Shawn and Katriina’s wedding, Kate’s eyes focused on something beyond the camera, a dreamy expression on her face, her lips painted fuchsia, her grey curls pinned back with a huge white flower. At first Finn thinks she must be imagining it, too much wine and not enough sleep, a preoccupied subconscious. How did they get that picture?

Then Unremarkable Man is behind her, wiping at his mouth and saying, “Ohmygod, have you seen that video? That lady in the barrel?” and she knows that it is real. Of course he has seen it; everyone has seen it – 450,000 YouTube views in one day. Jokes in all the late-night monologues, links posted on Facebook walls, an amusing story to end the local evening news. Over and over again, endless video loops of the initial plunge, the loud bounce, the flip into the air. Drop, bang, flip. It’s funny now – she lived, so everyone can laugh about it. And now everyone knows who she is.