“That’s where we live,” Cali says. I would have preferred to avoid specifics, but what difference does it make if Kjersti knows what neighborhood I live in? The cat’s out of the bag. I would feel ridiculous asking her to keep it a secret.

“Seriously though, Kjersti, congrats on Vancouver,” I add.

“You know the medal, it doesn’t count, Katie, because you weren’t there. You know I don’t just say this.”

Kjersti doesn’t just say anything. I know she means it. I would feel the same. Wins against her were always more meaningful, and the losses too; for years, we’d pushed each other to be better, and I miss her more than I’d let myself realize until now.

“I’m so proud of you, Kjersti. I’m really happy for you. If it wasn’t going to be me, I’m glad it was you. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.”

“Not that bitch Sarah Sweeny, huh? I take care of her for you.”

At this, I laugh out loud, and indeed, I’m glad it wasn’t Sarah Sweeny. She didn’t medal, small mercies.

“Shit,” Kjersti says. “I wish I could stay and go have a drink with you girls. But I got to get my gear ready to head to Antarctica tomorrow.”

“What are you doing out there?”

“BMW is sending me and Hans,” she said, name-checking one of her teammates. “We’re shooting a video.”

“Damn! Can’t let the freeskiers have all of the fun. Nice.”

“When will I see you, Bomber? When are you coming back?”

Standing with Kjersti is like going back in time for a moment, and I can almost believe that none of it ever happened. She’s talking to me as though it could be so, like she hasn’t noticed that I’m clearly out of shape, like I haven’t pulled a complete disappearing act. I wonder if I could even still have reps, a team, a future, even if I could get over my fear and get my head back together enough to face the mountain at all. Even if I’m not pregnant. Or if I decide not to be.

“I’m not sure,” I say, “but I’ll be in touch, okay? I promise.”

“You better promise! I come find you!”

“You’ll be too busy kicking Sarah’s ass all over the Alps.”

This gets a full-throated laugh.

“I promise though,” I say, pulling her in for a hug. My voice catches in my throat, and I need her to leave before I start bawling.

“Okay, I better go,” she says, pulling back to hold my shoulders and give me a long look. “Nice to meet you, Cali. Bye, Bomber. We’ll see you soon, yes?”

All I can do is nod.