For my part, people eventually forget the horrific headlines and I’m left to figure out the business of living a quieter, happier life. I love being a mother—and later a wife—more than I ever thought I would. I don’t go back to racing, but I find my way back to the mountain and the peace it once brought me.

When my daughter is born, I am filled with such a fierce, protective love for her that I know not one shred of the monster that consumed Penny has been reproduced in me. The truth is I never stop missing my sister entirely. I wonder what’s become of her second child, if she’s had any more, if there will be a chance someday for my daughter to know her cousins. When the pain of that lands on me, I let it in, and then as with everything else, I put it to the side and carry on.

I never forgive Penny completely. But, in time, I don’t think about her every day, I don’t wake up soaked with sweat and crying in the night anymore. I know she may reappear in my life one day and that, like the changeling of a fairy tale, it’s impossible to know what form she’ll take, what her illness will make her into as time goes by. What I’m certain of is that the sister I grew up with, the sister I once loved, is gone. I mourn her death and, as I do, my memories of my own childhood become less toxic. By letting go of the hope that I’ll get her back one day, I get a new hope: one for a happy life without her in it.

The happy ending is I do not become my sister.

The happy ending is life continues without her.

The happy ending is we all survive.

Acknowledgments

My deepest gratitude to my editor, Sarah Cantin, who was such a support to me as I navigated the fraught emotional territory of this book; I’ve been so lucky to work with you. And to my agent, Carly Watters, who has been there for me every step of the way these past few years. Thanks also to Taryn Fagerness and Dana Spector for all of your work on my behalf.

I have so much appreciation for the fabulous team at Atria Books, especially Rakesh Satyal for his support and guidance, as well as Ali Hinchcliffe, Loan Le, Albert Tang, Joanne O’Neill, and Shelly Perron.

Thank you, Crystal Patriarche, Taylor Brightwell, and the team at Booksparks, who have been instrumental in getting the word out about my books. I’m so grateful for all that you do. Thank you to Anna Katz for lending me your keen editorial eye on an early draft.