Chris scoffed audibly. With the seats of the bus being what they were, it was hard to see his face.

“The worst part about being a hero isn’t anything about swearing,” Ashley said. “It’s the untenable bureaucracy.”

I saw Chris’s hand pop up to scratch his head. He said, “You meant to say interminable or something, I think.”

“No,” Ashley said. “You meant to say yes, Damsel, you’re right.”

“The bureaucracy is definitely a wall we’ve run into,” I said, interrupting. “The patrol doesn’t want to pursue the remaining Fallen.”

“Who? Do you know?”

“The Fallen?” I asked. When he nodded, I followed up by outlining them. “Crowley brothers, their underlings. Bamet is out of action. The one who goes changer from a point in space is still out there, presumably. Valefor might be out there but I made sure he won’t be able to give any orders for a while. We got Mama.”

“Oh wow,” Rain said.

“I told you before, but I don’t think you were in a good state to process what I was saying,” Sveta said.

Rain nodded slowly. “You got Cradle. You got Mama. Snag’s dead—he’s dead, right?”

“He’s very dead,” Chris said. “You should know.”

“It all feels like it might break away and reality might hit if I move too fast or look into it too much,” Rain said.

I thought of the state I’d been in, at the end of twenty-thirteen, the start of year zero, after Gold Morning. “The way you described things, it’s as if you’re dreaming and things are less distinct than the very intense reality that came before the dream.”

“Yeah,” Rain said. “Exactly.”

“I get it,” I said. “I’ve been there. You want to watch out for the moments where you’re trying to reconcile the disconnect and make the now feel real again. It’s easy to get carried away.”

“In a fight, you mean?” Capricorn asked. “Throwing yourself at a situation to feel alive again?”

“Not like that, exactly,” I said.

“I don’t get it,” Looksee said.

I floundered for a moment, then said, “I guess, just as an example, I remember taking a shower and having a moment where it really woke me up and I felt grounded in reality again. There were a few days of painfully cold and hot showers, trying to wake up and stay fixed in the present.”

Sveta reached over to touch my arm.

There had been other moments, too. Scrubbing myself until my skin broke, among other things. Too personal and raw to really share.

“I’ll watch out for that,” Rain said.

“I would really, really advise talking to Mrs. Yamada the next chance you get,” I said, “because I don’t think it’s the kind of thing you can watch out for on your own.”