I thought about letting four years of pent up needs out on a poor bastard like Anelace. I thought too about how, about a year ago, I’d tried handling it as a solo venture, and got so caught up in the darkness in my own head that I hadn’t been able to breathe. I’d thought I could manage just like I almost felt like I could manage now, and I’d ended up in tears instead.

Stupid, and it was the kind of stupid that I really didn’t want a spectator for, even if Anelace was cool.

For now, just… I’d call it a win and a plus in one column or another that I’d been able to privately harbor a nice, healthy fantasy.

And that was without getting into the topic of Sveta. I thought about breaking down into happy tears now, and maybe being unable to get control, walls, and balances all together before something critical happened, and that leading in an indirect way to me being too violent with a cape who didn’t deserve it.

Just…

“Yeah,” I agreed.

“Well, I’ll just say that I don’t think worrying about opening the floodgates is necessarily a cape thing. But—but!”

He’d seen me being ready to protest.

“But,” he went on. “I’ll concede it might make things harder. Do what you have to do.”

I nodded.

“But, you need to make me a concession in exchange.”

“What?” I asked, guarded.

“Recognizing a win and a major goal being completed is another thing on the list of stuff you gotta do. You helped her. This is where it’d be dramatic if she was still down there so I can indicate her and you can look at her and be moved. Drama and presentation are big cape things, right? I’ve got that down right?”

“Absolutely,” I said. I laughed and it came out small and hiccup-ish. I shook my head. “Fuck. No, she’s not there for your fancy dramatic moment that you’re visualizing, but she’s over in the locker room, sore as hell and probably redrawing the shapes and placements for the tattoos she’s already imagining getting for her fancy new body. I think she’s happy and knowing that’s happening where I can’t see it is better.”

“Count your wins as wins.”

“I’m really fucking worried,” I said, and my voice was a hush. “That this doesn’t end happy, despite my efforts.”

“So am I,” he said. “But all you can do is be there. If tragedy’s in store, being close will let you help more. If there’s only more joy, then you lose nothing.”

I nodded.