I BOLT AROUND the corner, shoving up my Batman mask and sliding down the wall before the elevator doors even shut. Okay, breathe in, hold it, breathe out. Repeat. This shouldn’t be so hard. Wait. Do I hold it for one beat? Two? Three? Oh god, now it just feels like I’m drowning.

pullittogetherpullittogetherpullittogether

A cute girl dressed as my favorite comic character should not have this effect on me, but.

breathebreathebreathebreathebreathe

It used to be I could tell the difference between excitement and anxiety. It used to be I could handle crowds and small talk. It used to be a lot of things . . . but now it’s not.

I take another gasping breath, replaying the moments in my head. The way her cheeks turned pink when she told me to keep the feather twisted me up in interesting, not terrible, ways. And yet.

And yet.

I dig my fingers into the carpet and stare up at the ceiling, trying to ground myself before this panic attack spins too far out of control, but seriously, fuck this. Fuck being seventeen and wired so wrong that a person smiling at you can spin you into heart failure.

A door clicks open and a couple—drunk and sloppy like the rest of the casino crowd—steps out. I slide my mask down and shove myself through the door to the stairwell across from me, a welcome escape from their questioning looks.

It’s one flight down to the dance or eleven up to my room, but I start to climb anyway, wishing there was a delete button in my brain. I don’t know why I opened my mouth at all. So yeah, I should go. To my room. And probably never come out. Because reasons. But I still have this feather and—

My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I pull it out, sighing when I see Gray’s name pop up.

“Ridley, where are you?” she asks. It’s nearly impossible to hear her over the background noise.

“In a stairwell,” I say.

“For good reasons or bad reasons?”

“Are there good reasons?”

“Yes. Come to the ballroom and I’ll tell you all about the time I made out with your favorite superhero in the stairwell at RICC.”

“Never happened,” I snort.

“Okay, fine, it was his stunt double. On the escalator. Still counts.”

I laugh; I can’t help it. Two seconds ago I couldn’t breathe, and now I’m laughing. Gray is magic like that.

“Are you trying to make me meet you or run away faster?” I ask, but I’ve already started trotting back down the stairs.

“Ha ha, baby bro,” she says. “Seriously, get down here. I can only cover for you for so long.”

I let out a long breath. “I’m on my way,” I say before hanging up.