He loosens his grip on my arm, rubbing it up and down, then letting it go completely and dragging his hand through his hair. He looks confused, surprised, and while his eyes are still bloodshot, he looks a little bit more like the guy I knew way back when. The guy who didn’t drink so much, the guy who took me golfing that one time when I was seven and commissioned my own Venom comic for my eighth birthday. I’ve had enough people tell me everything happens for a reason. Maybe this is the reason. Maybe this is the way back.

itsnot

It could be, though. I flick my eyes to Allison, who’s being quiet now. And my dad, he doesn’t smile smile, but his lips turn up in the corners while he waits. “What do you mean, Ridley?”

I link my fingers behind my neck, staring at the asphalt as I say it. “I met Vera’s stepdaughter at the prom. That’s who I left with. We’ve been texting, and—”

My dad grabs my shoulders. “Does she like you?”

I shrug.

“Ridley. Ridley!” he shouts, like I just handed him the Holy Grail. “Think of how much intel you can collect for us to help with acquisitions.” And he pulls me into a hug. A hug. And I can’t remember the last time I had one of these, especially from him. “I could kiss you.” He laughs, letting me go. And I think, You used to once, every night before bed. What changed? But I don’t say it. I know what changed. I couldn’t take the pressure, and he couldn’t take the disappointment. Maybe this time I could make him proud. Maybe this time it could be different.

I wish I didn’t like the way he walked me back to our booth with his arm around me. Or the way he raised my arm up in the air when we walked up to Gray, like I was some kind of champion, even though I felt ashamed and unsteady on my feet.

I wish I could say that I pushed him away and left with my integrity intact.

That I got on the plane instead of going out to dinner with him for the first time in years.

That I didn’t feel a swell of pride when he asked me to sit next to him, while Grayson ended up at the other side of the table, where she couldn’t hear anything.

That I didn’t tear up when he asked me to stay in Connecticut with him, at the old house, in my old room, and said that Mom would have my stuff shipped out when she got back home.

Or when he promised to buy me a new phone to replace the one he just trashed.

Or when he said he had a place for me in the business, finally—on the recon team.