I let myself think about the future for a moment, then pause. The urgency of here and now brings me back down.

“First I need to help Jamal. Whoever got to Angela could be after him,” I choke out.

“My story won’t be Jamal’s.”

“Jamal will come home if you’re free.”

“Their minds are already made up about me. Help your brother. Get him to come home. He can win if he speaks out. They already filled their heads about me from the moment we moved into town. Watching us, being outsiders. Convincing themselves of whatever fit their narrative. So, when the Davidsons ended up…” He looks away, and I know he’s had this thought a thousand times. “Ended up dead. Town already upset we’re taking some of their jobs. Who’s easier to believe, someone who’d been a part of that community for years, or me? So, it ain’t that complicated, girl. But that don’t mean that Jamal’s roots to the city can’t be planted. He’s no outsider. He can do different than me.”

I can see the weight of not being home, able to help us, pulls on Daddy. I stay with him another twenty minutes, finding anything else to talk about. Daddy holds on to my hand like he wants to drain every last second he can with me, slowing down the clock that’s running out on him. The same clock I live and breathe by.

When our visit ends, I expect him to get up and leave right away, but this time when we both stand, he gives me a long hug, even though we both know he shouldn’t. It takes everything in me to not break down and cry. I’m so focused on him I barely hear the guards yelling, “That’s enough!”

He doesn’t seem to hear them or care that they’re approaching us. We only let go when the two men are within steps of us. The COs rush him along, but all I see is Daddy, everything else grainy and blurry as I watch him line back up and blend in with the rest of the inmates.

RUBY BRIDGES BRAVE

Mama didn’t force me to go to school when Daddy was arrested. Jamal and I stopped during the trial and didn’t return until a few weeks after. She tried to shelter us from the news, but every channel covered the murder trial. You’d either have to choose to tune it out or completely shut it off. I didn’t want to go to school anyway. Quincy was still recovering; it put him a year behind so he’s in my grade because of it. Without him, I thought I’d be bullied forever before Dean stepped in. Eventually I knew we had to go.